19 Simple Questions To Determine If You Really Hate Duke

Not sure how you feel about Duke basketball? Let this questionnaire help you discover your true feelings about Coach K and his Blue Devils.

1. How do you feel when you see this photo?

Streeter Lecka / Getty Images

2. How about this one?

3. Would you ever want to go to a place with a name like this?

4. Have you ever used this photo as your desktop wallpaper?

5. Does the sight of this man flopping make you mad?

6. What do you think about players who write poetry like this?

A lightning bolt strikes
I feel a sudden energy
Thunder clouds approach
I can’t run from destiny
A tornado tears me down
But I will stand again
My life is a hurricane
But I’ll weather it to the end

7. Would it help if you could see the face of the man who wrote that? Would his general existence on our planet make you angry?

Streeter Lecka / Getty Images

8. Do you hate this guy?

9. How about the man responsible for this foul?

10. Are you sick of seeing photos like this?

Lance King / Getty Images

11. Do you not find signage like this clever?

Grant Halverson / Reuters

12. Does this image make you a little sick to your stomach?

Scott Halleran / Getty Images

13. Do you think this animal has a strong resemblance to Duke’s head basketball coach?

14. Would you allow your children to attend this summer camp?

15. Are you still incredulous that a man who looks like this won a national championship?

Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images

16. Would you rather sacrifice your firstborn than watch this video?

17. How about this one? Would watching this send you into a month of depression?

18. Is this one of the worst moments of your life?

19. How do you feel now?

Angry? Upset? Looking for a trash can to vomit in?

Then congratulations! You really hate Duke!

You’re mad, and it’s OK. Take a deep breath. Here, you might want to calm yourself down by watching this:

And this:

And this:

Just breathe, and remember: There have been 74 NCAA men’s basketball champions. 70 have been teams not named Duke.

Maybe this year, with your non-support, America can again experience the joy of watching anyone other than Duke win it all.

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