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How Much Of A Hypochondriac Are You?

So much fears.

Posted on
  1. Check all that apply to you:

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    You wash your hands every time you arrive somewhere.
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    You worry about the quality of the air you're breathing.
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    You don't trust the purity of tap water.
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    You are afraid to not use mouthwash.
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    You are afraid to use mouthwash.
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    You've lifted a public toilet seat with your foot.
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    You've kept the door to a public restroom open with your foot while you washed your hands so you wouldn't have to touch the door knob.
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    You've worried about the safety of Q-tips.
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    You've worried about your posture.
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    You've worried that computer and TV screens are affecting your eyesight.
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    You've avoided using a bar of soap in someone else's shower.
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    You've gone shopping at a supermarket and couldn't decide on what to buy because it all seemed unhealthy.
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    You've disagreed with a doctor's diagnosis that you're fine.
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    You've disagreed with multiple doctor's diagnosis that you're fine.
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    You've thought your heartbeat sounded abnormal.
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    You've felt faint upon hearing about someone else's health problems.
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    You are not finding this quiz funny at all.
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    You are not gluten intolerant but you avoid it anyway.
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    You are not lactose intolerant but you avoid it anyway.
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    You put paper on the seat of all toilets that aren't in your own home.
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    You refuse to drink soda.
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    You refuse to drink diet soda.
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    You've worried about lead paint.
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    You've worried about toxic mold.
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    You've worried about asbestos.
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    When you read about viruses in distant parts of the world you get worried.
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    You are never sure if you've washed fruits and vegetables enough.
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    You've diagnosed yourself using the internet.
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    You avoid touching the subway poles and rails.
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    You use sunscreen every day.
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    You've wondered if your tongue was pink enough.
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    You hate looking in your own mouth.
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    You've worried that mosquitos might give you a virus.
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    You avoid forests because of Lyme's Disease.
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    You've Google Image'd a condition and then immediately closed the browser window.
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    When a family member has a condition, you assume you will genetically inherit it too.
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    You can't fully enjoy candy, pastries, and desserts.
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    You can't fully enjoy alcohol.
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    You can't fully enjoy french fries.
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    You carry around hand sanitizer.
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    You stare closely at yourself in a mirror, checking for signs of ill-health.
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    You try to stay in the shade on a sunny day.
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    You worry about X-ray radiation at the dentist.
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    You worry about X-ray radiation at the airport.
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    You worry about radiation from nuclear power plants, near or far.
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    You look at every freckle with dread.
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    You've thought that too much coffee would cause a heart attack.
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    You've wondered if the chef or waiter at a restaurant tampered with your food.
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    You've imagined yourself dying at a young age.
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    You've wondered if it was safe to let a dog lick you.
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    You've worried that your headphones were too loud.
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    Concerts are no longer fun because they could damage your ears.
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    You've cut out anything with High-Fructose Corn Syrup.
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    You count how many glasses of water you drink a day.
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    You could wear contact lenses but the idea makes you nervous.
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    You try not to carry your cell phone in your pocket.
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    You try not to hold your cell phone to your ear.
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    If you accidentally cut yourself on something you imagine it infecting the entire limb.
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    You avoid dangerous activities like biking and basketball.
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    You first wipe down every machine you use at the gym.
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    You won't use the studio's yoga mat.
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    You analyze your shit before flushing.
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    You avoid being around cigarette smokers.
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    You carry your insurance card with you everywhere.
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    You wonder about the state of hospitals in whatever foreign country you're travelling to.
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    You worry about the consequences of the junk food you ate long before you were a hypochondriac.
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    If you're a female, you've worried that you were pregnant.
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    If you're a male, you've worried that you were pregnant.
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    You try to avoid drinking hot liquids in styrofoam cups.
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    You no longer buy canned food because of BPA's.
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    When swimming in a lake or river, you wonder if the water is polluted.
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    You would have gotten a tattoo if not for the needles and blood and mysterious chemical inks being injected into your flesh.
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    You won't go to a hookah bar because someone's else's lips were on that thing.
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    You will never visit China because of the air pollution.
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    You avoid standing under high-voltage wires or cell phone towers.
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    Hot tubs and jacuzzis seem gross.
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    You haven't eaten shrimp since Deepwater Horizon.
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    You haven't eaten sushi since Fukushima.
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    You don't trust soy.
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    Fracking. Fuck.
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    You will never go to a tanning parlor.
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    You don't like handling dollars bills because of all the germs.
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    You wait a few extra seconds before opening the microwave oven.
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    You never use the microwave oven at all.
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    You wish you had a standing desk at work.
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    You've wondered if touch screens will give you finger cancer.
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    You've started using organic deodorant.
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    You've started using organic toothpaste.
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    As a kid, you wondered if your Halloween candy had razors or poison in it.
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    If you can't remember something, you worry that you have Alzheimer's.
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    You've had a headache that you thought was something far far worse.
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    You won't use any aspirin or cold medicine that is even a day past expiration.
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    Body piercings seem somehow dangerous to you (but you're not sure why.)
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    Any cheap plastic item for sale at the 99 cent store is probably made in China and is deadly toxic.
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    You've wondered if all that black crust on grilled meat is unhealthy.
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    You've read the ingredient label on a food product and then decided not to eat it.
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    You've avoided a sexual encounter because you fear STD's.
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    You're wondering if your eyes and wrist are being damaged by scrolling down this list.
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    You would rather die before old age because of all the medical problems you'll have (wow, that's really dark.)
 
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