How Much Of A Hypochondriac Are You?

So much fears.

  1. Check all that apply to you:
    1. 1 You wash your hands every time you arrive somewhere.
    2. 2 You worry about the quality of the air you’re breathing.
    3. 3 You don’t trust the purity of tap water.
    4. 4 You are afraid to not use mouthwash.
    5. 5 You are afraid to use mouthwash.
    6. 6 You’ve lifted a public toilet seat with your foot.
    7. 7 You’ve kept the door to a public restroom open with your foot while you washed your hands so you wouldn’t have to touch the door knob.
    8. 8 You’ve worried about the safety of Q-tips.
    9. 9 You’ve worried about your posture.
    10. 10 You’ve worried that computer and TV screens are affecting your eyesight.
    11. 11 You’ve avoided using a bar of soap in someone else’s shower.
    12. 12 You’ve gone shopping at a supermarket and couldn’t decide on what to buy because it all seemed unhealthy.
    13. 13 You’ve disagreed with a doctor’s diagnosis that you’re fine.
    14. 14 You’ve disagreed with multiple doctor’s diagnosis that you’re fine.
    15. 15 You’ve thought your heartbeat sounded abnormal.
    16. 16 You’ve felt faint upon hearing about someone else’s health problems.
    17. 17 You are not finding this quiz funny at all.
    18. 18 You are not gluten intolerant but you avoid it anyway.
    19. 19 You are not lactose intolerant but you avoid it anyway.
    20. 20 You put paper on the seat of all toilets that aren’t in your own home.
    21. 21 You refuse to drink soda.
    22. 22 You refuse to drink diet soda.
    23. 23 You’ve worried about lead paint.
    24. 24 You’ve worried about toxic mold.
    25. 25 You’ve worried about asbestos.
    26. 26 When you read about viruses in distant parts of the world you get worried.
    27. 27 You are never sure if you’ve washed fruits and vegetables enough.
    28. 28 You’ve diagnosed yourself using the internet.
    29. 29 You avoid touching the subway poles and rails.
    30. 30 You use sunscreen every day.
    31. 31 You’ve wondered if your tongue was pink enough.
    32. 32 You hate looking in your own mouth.
    33. 33 You’ve worried that mosquitos might give you a virus.
    34. 34 You avoid forests because of Lyme’s Disease.
    35. 35 You’ve Google Image’d a condition and then immediately closed the browser window.
    36. 36 When a family member has a condition, you assume you will genetically inherit it too.
    37. 37 You can’t fully enjoy candy, pastries, and desserts.
    38. 38 You can’t fully enjoy alcohol.
    39. 39 You can’t fully enjoy french fries.
    40. 40 You carry around hand sanitizer.
    41. 41 You stare closely at yourself in a mirror, checking for signs of ill-health.
    42. 42 You try to stay in the shade on a sunny day.
    43. 43 You worry about X-ray radiation at the dentist.
    44. 44 You worry about X-ray radiation at the airport.
    45. 45 You worry about radiation from nuclear power plants, near or far.
    46. 46 You look at every freckle with dread.
    47. 47 You’ve thought that too much coffee would cause a heart attack.
    48. 48 You’ve wondered if the chef or waiter at a restaurant tampered with your food.
    49. 49 You’ve imagined yourself dying at a young age.
    50. 50 You’ve wondered if it was safe to let a dog lick you.
    51. 51 You’ve worried that your headphones were too loud.
    52. 52 Concerts are no longer fun because they could damage your ears.
    53. 53 You’ve cut out anything with High-Fructose Corn Syrup.
    54. 54 You count how many glasses of water you drink a day.
    55. 55 You could wear contact lenses but the idea makes you nervous.
    56. 56 You try not to carry your cell phone in your pocket.
    57. 57 You try not to hold your cell phone to your ear.
    58. 58 If you accidentally cut yourself on something you imagine it infecting the entire limb.
    59. 59 You avoid dangerous activities like biking and basketball.
    60. 60 You first wipe down every machine you use at the gym.
    61. 61 You won’t use the studio’s yoga mat.
    62. 62 You analyze your shit before flushing.
    63. 63 You avoid being around cigarette smokers.
    64. 64 You carry your insurance card with you everywhere.
    65. 65 You wonder about the state of hospitals in whatever foreign country you’re travelling to.
    66. 66 You worry about the consequences of the junk food you ate long before you were a hypochondriac.
    67. 67 If you’re a female, you’ve worried that you were pregnant.
    68. 68 If you’re a male, you’ve worried that you were pregnant.
    69. 69 You try to avoid drinking hot liquids in styrofoam cups.
    70. 70 You no longer buy canned food because of BPA’s.
    71. 71 When swimming in a lake or river, you wonder if the water is polluted.
    72. 72 You would have gotten a tattoo if not for the needles and blood and mysterious chemical inks being injected into your flesh.
    73. 73 You won’t go to a hookah bar because someone’s else’s lips were on that thing.
    74. 74 You will never visit China because of the air pollution.
    75. 75 You avoid standing under high-voltage wires or cell phone towers.
    76. 76 Hot tubs and jacuzzis seem gross.
    77. 77 You haven’t eaten shrimp since Deepwater Horizon.
    78. 78 You haven’t eaten sushi since Fukushima.
    79. 79 You don’t trust soy.
    80. 80 Fracking. Fuck.
    81. 81 You will never go to a tanning parlor.
    82. 82 You don’t like handling dollars bills because of all the germs.
    83. 83 You wait a few extra seconds before opening the microwave oven.
    84. 84 You never use the microwave oven at all.
    85. 85 You wish you had a standing desk at work.
    86. 86 You’ve wondered if touch screens will give you finger cancer.
    87. 87 You’ve started using organic deodorant.
    88. 88 You’ve started using organic toothpaste.
    89. 89 As a kid, you wondered if your Halloween candy had razors or poison in it.
    90. 90 If you can’t remember something, you worry that you have Alzheimer’s.
    91. 91 You’ve had a headache that you thought was something far far worse.
    92. 92 You won’t use any aspirin or cold medicine that is even a day past expiration.
    93. 93 Body piercings seem somehow dangerous to you (but you’re not sure why.)
    94. 94 Any cheap plastic item for sale at the 99 cent store is probably made in China and is deadly toxic.
    95. 95 You’ve wondered if all that black crust on grilled meat is unhealthy.
    96. 96 You’ve read the ingredient label on a food product and then decided not to eat it.
    97. 97 You’ve avoided a sexual encounter because you fear STD’s.
    98. 98 You’re wondering if your eyes and wrist are being damaged by scrolling down this list.
    99. 99 You would rather die before old age because of all the medical problems you’ll have (wow, that’s really dark.)

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