I saw the new Wachowski film "Jupiter Ascending" last weekend. Apparently not too many other people did.
Mila Kunis plays a Russian immigrant who cleans rich people's bathrooms.
She lives in a house with a lot of Russian relatives who act real Russian.
So Jupiter steals the identity of a sexy woman named Kathleen whose apartment she cleans and goes to sell her ovaries.
Channing Tatum saves her. He's a dog-man from space with lazer ice-skates that make him fly.
They go hide in a beehive-covered farmhouse where they meet Sean Bean who is a bee-man from space. His daughter is there too.
A blue-haired anime lady comes to kill her.
We meet Eddie Redmayne's character:
Channing Tatum saves her.
There's a lot of weird henchmen.
The spaceships. Rad as hell. They are made of all these parts that aren't even connected!
Terry Gilliam is in it for 20 seconds.
Channing Tatum saves her. Many many times.
There could not be a...
And yet, I enjoyed it! And you might too. If you like really really expensive flops go see "Jupiter Ascending". Because, as of now, this movie is 125,000,000 million dollars in the hole.
A previous version of this post misstated that the directors are brothers. Oops!