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The 40 Ruby Stages Of Mike And Helen's Love Story

Once he had a love. And it's still a gas.

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14. Daniel Stephen Martin was born on April 30 1979.

Lucy sang Blondie's "Heart Of Glass" into the bump all through the pregnancy, which would give the foetus a fixation with punk rock and disco which would go on to define the rest of his life.

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19. Daniel just wanted to be the Milkybar Kid.

And though she now denies any memory, Helen wouldn't let him reply to the audition call in her Woman's Own magazine. Probably quite wisely, she didn't want her son being a childstar and then going completely crazy in later life.

21. There were also many cats, but three-legged psychopath Kitty was the most formidable.

And she was Daniel's best friend during his socially awkward childhood years. He was the only one she was nice to.

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34. They finally escaped Ellesmere Port!

No sooner had Daniel been packed off to University and so stopped moaning, they became part of civilised society, joining the ex-pat Scottish community in Chester's desirable Hough Green neighbourhood.

38. Saul Timothy Martin Irvine was born on February 19 2012.

And their wish to be grandparents was finally granted. Mike decided to be addressed by the frankly bizarre term of "Gaffer" while Helen went for the more traditional "Grandma".

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