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11 Crazy Ways To Buy Killer Mike & El-P's New "Run The Jewels" Album

Killer Mike and El-P are two of the biggest names in hip-hop. Their upcoming album will be released on the 28th and it's available for free... but if you've got the extra dough you should consider buying one of these awesome special packages for the album.

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All of these special edition packages are advertised on Daylight Curfew's website, though it is, of course, worth noting that "... run the jewels reserves the right to take your money and not fulfill any of its obligations as outlined in any package priced at 35k or more." So there's that.

There is, of course, one big exception to this disclaimer, and that is "Meow the Jewels." Both Killer Mike and El-P, as well as a handful of other artists, have stated that they will follow through on this packaged if anyone raises enough money to buy it. There is currently a kickstarter campaign seeking funding to do just that.

All descriptions here are quoted directly from Make sure to check out their site and to download RTJ2 when it comes out on October 28th.

1. The "I'm On The Fucking List, Asshole" Package - $7,500 / Via

"Run The Jewels will put you on the all access guest list plus 1 for any Run The Jewels show anywhere and up to 10 shows. You (and not your plus 1) will be welcome in our back stage before, during and after shows as well as be allowed to hang for soundcheck and load in if you find that sort of thing interesting, have full access to our backstage rider which includes a deli meant tray, various cheeses, a bottle of Henessey, grey goose and various energy bars. We will share our weed with you and let you yell at our tour manager. We will pretend to like you and will introduce you to our friends as our “friend”. Run The Jewels requires a half an hour before stage time to not have to deal with you and your fucking yammering in order to do our pre show stretches, vocal warm ups and crying."

2. The Show And Tell Package - $25,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will fly to your town and accompany your child to show and tell at his or her school on an agreed upon date (and in the United States) where we will answer any questions the children have about marijuana, rap music and global politics. Run The Jewels will also read the story of your child's choice to the class as well as take a picture with your child and his or her classmates. We will also provide personal bully protection for 24 hours as well as write and record a song with your child. El-P will explain the true nature of the world and teach your child how to curse and smoke (if desired), killer mike will teach your child how to fight and organize local community action."

4. Meow The Jewels - $40,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will re-record RTJ2 using nothing but cat sounds for music. You are free to profit from this album in any way you see fit up to 100k in net global profit or 3 years (whichever comes first)."

This one is most interesting because it has spawned a kickstarter campaign which is gaining funds and support from many musicians. El-P has stated publicly that if the money is raised, he will donate it to charity and produce the cat-sounds version of the album. Click on the kickstarter link if you'd like to contribute today!

5. Mystery Time Supreme! Package - $50,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will start a private detective agency and make you an employee for a month where you and run the jewels will work together to unravel local mysteries but mostly just smoke weed in the back of your van. Run The Jewels will also show you the secret handshake as well as create a theme song for the company that you can name as long as its not a fucking stupid name."

6. The Jewels Candygram Package - $55,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will show up at your door step dressed in clothing made of candy to rap both albums to you personally over the beats of your choice and wish you a happy birthday (or any other occasion). We will then spend the day playing contact ultimate frisbee with your family and friends, ending at dusk where we will build a small, possibly illegal bonfire and drink until one of us urinates where we are sitting."

7. The Fuck Boy Revenge Package - $100,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will fly to your town, stalk and ultimately take revenge upon anyone in your life who has ever wronged you through a series of humiliating and vicious tactics designed to bring shame upon their name and the name of their children. We will then train your enemies pet to love you. This offer does not include murder."

8. The We Are Gordon Ramsey Package - $150,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will self produce a new episode of Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey, with Mike and El both playing Gordon Ramsey. We will travel to a restaurant with you of your choice, completely uninvited, and attempt to force them to change their menu. All the while verbally abusing and insulting the entire staff to hilarious effect."

9. The We Are Gordon Ramsey Supreme Package - $200,000 / Via

"The We Are Gordon Ramsey Package with the addition of: Run The Jewels will film a follow up episode in which we will return to the restaurant a year later and check on its progress."

10. The Self Righteousness For Sale Package - $350,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will spend 6 months pretending to care about whatever you care about. We will travel to no more than 3 events of your choosing and make eloquent, timely speeches on your causes behalf. We will shoot a heartfelt, informative video for your cause as well as co-author an info packet to be distributed on your causes behalf that includes an original song called “WE’VE GOT TO BRING _ _ _ _ _ _ _ TO AN END”. This offer does not extend to terrorists or cops."

11. Run the Jewels Retirement Plan Package - $10,000,000 / Via

"Run The Jewels will retire from music, making only one song a year for you personally. Every song title will be your name with a number next to it. You are free to exploit these recordings however you feel like."

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