You’ve never eaten anything greenThe word organic scares youYou pity people who eat salads…they just look so sadThe closest you get to fruit are Welch's gummiesYou don’t even know what kale isYou think lettuce tastes like grassYou are fully aware of what a Tour de Fast Food is and you’re reigning champYou’re not entirely sure what food group quinoa belongs to nor do you careYou just read the word quinoa as kwee-no-uhYour idea of physical activity is walking to the pantryYou won’t even consider eating a vegetable unless it’s completely covered in ranchFat Bastard is your spirit animalBrussel sprouts are your worst enemyYou can’t pronounce acaiYou don’t know what acai isYou don’t drink water because you can’t stand un-carbonated drinksWheat and grass are not meant to be gulpedIn your world, there’s only one type of raisin: chocolate coveredYou despise the term vegetable medley because it makes veggies sound funIt makes you angry that your parents think Fig Newton’s are an acceptable substitute for cookiesThe idea of not having fast food as part of your daily intake physically pains youYou don’t know the difference between tempeh and tofuWhat the hell is tempeh?Tears roll down your face when someone tells you they enjoy fat-free ice cream
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