18 Words That Mean Something Totally Different When You're A British Jew

What are you doing on Friday night?

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1. North West London.

Mark Hogan / Flickr: markhogan

What it usually means: A residential area in the North Western part of London.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: An area where you will inevitably bump into three ex-boyfriends, your grandma and that lady from synagogue within the space of ten minutes.

2. Best friend.

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What it usually means: Your closest friend.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Every person you’ve ever met in your life. You have at least 25 best friends.

4. Golders Green.

Elliott Brown / Flickr: ell-r-brown

What it usually means: A residential stop on the Northern Line.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: The place to have all your kosher needs met, for the mere price of £45 per head.

5. Harry Styles.

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What it usually means: One fifth of One Direction.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A pop star that you actually have a chance of bumping into, given his penchant for restaurants in Golders Green.

7. Tour.

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What it usually means: A trip on which you visit more than one place.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A month you spent in Israel when you were 16, where you made friends, kissed boys and experienced ample fashion disasters.

8. Football.

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What it usually means: A popular sport.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Jewish league football is the most important thing. Being involved in it makes you really important too.

9. Tinder.

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What it usually means: A dating app.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A way to find fellow Jews that allows you to become acquainted with their entire life stories before starting conversations with them, thanks to the mutual friends tool.

10. Israel.

ronsho / Flickr: ronsho

What it usually means: A country fraught with tension in the Middle East.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A place that you feel an intense connection with and are intent on defending.

11. Beck.

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What it usually means: The abbreviated form of Rebecca.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: A very made up, fake tanned young lady with overly straightened hair. You never want to be called Beck (but you probably have been).

12. Couple.

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What it usually means: Two people who are dating.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Your version of a Yarmulke that boys place on their head surreptitiously as they enter synagogue.

13. Summer holiday.

RonAlmog / Flickr: ronalmog

What it usually means: A chance to take time out of work to relax.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Tel Aviv, baby! And you'll go with every single one of your close friends and family, who you see every weekend.

14. Tan.

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What it usually means: A healthy, sun-kissed look you acquire by spending time in the sun.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: It's not a proper tan unless you look like you've rolled around in dog poo for several days.

15. Zara.

Leif Harboe / Flickr: leif

What it usually means: A popular high street store.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: If you wear its clothes, you run the risk of bumping into your mother, sister, daughter and/or friend in the exact same outfit.

16. Friday night.

Popper Pictures / fuckyeahfridaynightdinner.tumblr.com

What it usually means: Time for the pub.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Depends who’s asking. You may not be able to make it due to a “family thing”. Or you may tell your parents an innocuous lie about a friend hosting a Friday night dinner.

17. Sunday lunch.

Annie Mole / Flickr: anniemole

What it usually means: A weekly sit down with your family over a roast.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: Sabbath leftovers and/or smoked salmon and bagels, because “I’ve cooked all weekend OK, I’m taking a break."

18. A good catch.

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What it usually means: A potential mate who may boast good looks, a good career or a good personality.

What it means when you’re a British Jew: "What synagogue does he go to?" "How often?" "How tall is he?" "Which football team does he support?" "What do his parents do?" "Do I know his grandma?" "How kosher is kosher?" "Good job???"