The downside to being a decent human is having to pretend you like things that you actually despise. For example, other people's nasty cooking.
Here are some of the best responses:
1. A sugarless lemon pie with a saltine cracker crust.
2. Tea made out of water and sparkle perfume.
"When my sister was five she had my mom, my friend, and I sit for her tea party. She made us drinks. I asked her what she gave us and she said it was water and sparkle perfume."
3. Grandma's bacteria-filled chili.
"My grandmother is a terrible, terrible cook. She made chili in a crock pot, and the third night we ate it it smelled horrible. The chili was popping and effervescent with tiny gas bubbles. I was nine and had just learned about bacteria in school. I asked her how she stored the chili. She said, 'It's okay to leave things in the crock pot. I even remembered to unplug it!' We lived in Georgia. It was the summer."
4. Ratatouille with cat hair.
5. A half-eaten banana covered in snot.
"My 1-year-old niece insisted I try a bite of it. Ick."
6. A charcoal-black burnt pizza.
"My sister was trying to be nice after I had taken care of her for three years. She tried to make me a pizza. It came out more like charcoal — fully all black. She tried so hard to make me happy that I had to at least get some of it down. 'It’s not as burnt as it looks! Really yummy.' She was really happy with herself after that."
7. Bear meat.
8. Cookies with dried black beans instead of chocolate chips.
"My beloved but very elderly gram-in-law made chocolate chip cookies in which she messed up the sugar and salt AND mistook the dried black beans in her cupboard for chocolate chips. Ohhhhh dear."
9. Teriyaki steak with 3/4 a cup of salt mixed in.
"My girlfriend in college wanted to be nice to my roommate and me because she often ate over at our apartment, so she decided to cook dinner one night. Teriyaki steak. Somewhere along the line, she got tbsp and cup mixed up, and added 3/4 a cup of salt. Pretty sure we were nearing the LD50 of salt for a human, but I ate as much as I could, and drank as much water as I could for the next few days."
10. Chicken boiled in ketchup with a side of pickled watermelon.
11. Tomato soup made out of boiling water, a can of tomato sauce, and a squished up tomato.
"My great grandma was babysitting me and she made a 'tomato soup.' The ingredients were boiled water, one can of tomato sauce, one squished up tomato, salt, and pepper."
12. Raw ground up sheep's meat.
"I could taste the cold, stringy, undissolved fat with every chew and I could barely choke it down."
13. Turtle soup.
14. A blue cheese martini.
"I held it in my mouth and nodded appreciatively. Then I had to run to find the nearest trashcan to dump it."
15. Spaghetti noodles, beef, tomato paste, an entire bottle of Italian dressing, and two cups of shredded cheese.
"My uncle had this signature 'dish' he insisted me and my brother eat every time we visit him. It was spaghetti noodles, beef, tomato paste, an entire bottle of Italian salad dressing and two cups of shredded cheese. It was the greasiest most disgusting thing I've ever had, but he was so proud of himself and really happy we were over so I ate an entire bowl."
16. Brownies made with Hershey powder and every spice on the spice rack.
"When I was four my sister who was five made us 'brownies.' They were essentially water with Hershey's powder that tasted like satan's shit by itself, every other spice on the rack, and no sugar. It wasn't cooked at all either, as if that would have helped."