I've spent most of my 20s single. While my single years led to a ton of personal growth, sexual exploration, and exhilarating experiences, they were also ~Stressful~ (with a capital S).
If you're someone who wants an amazing long-term romantic partner, it can feel like finding a needle in a haystack in the current dating landscape. It seems like everyone is either afraid of commitment, ghosting people left and right, dishonest about their relationship status, or always on the hunt for a "better" option.
BUT, there's hope. If that annoying girl you went to high school with can find a husband, you sure as hell can too (if that's what you want, LOL). The point is that there are millions of people in the world, and if you're patient, reframe your thinking, and use just a LITTLE bit of strategy, there's a good chance you'll find someone really special.
How do we do this, you ask? Well, that's where Lisa Smith comes in — aka So My Mom's a Therapist on TikTok. She's a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) trained trauma specialist, with a private practice based in LA. When Lisa isn't helping her clients, she's stitching users on TikTok with incredible advice pertaining to their dating and relationship struggles. I've often seen people in her comments say that they're grateful for her account because they can't afford therapy, and I honestly think we need more people like Lisa!!!
I came up with a whole bunch of questions (and crowdsourced a few from my single besties) for Lisa about navigating the 2022 dating world. Here are 13 pieces of advice that anyone who's on the market should keep with them at all times:
1. If you're feeling down, or hopeless in your dating journey, try not to succumb to the big sweeping statements (and judgments) about yourself in your head. "The biggest challenge there is when we stay macro, we get stuck," Lisa told BuzzFeed. "So when I stay with this conclusion where 'I’m 20 or 25 and never had a boyfriend,' or 'I’ve been single for this long' — when we stick with these big macro ideas, they’re conclusions that you can’t change in the moment."
2. Make your world smaller. "You need to get in small communities, so that you don’t feel like such a little fish in such a massive, massive big pond," Lisa said.
"So what does it mean to make your pond or your world smaller? Get around some people who you have something in common with... You wanted to learn tennis? Get yourself not an individual lesson; get yourself in a group lesson. Join a hikers group. Find a gardening co-op. You need something to get into smaller worlds — making your world a little bit smaller, so you can build community."