Once the honeymoon phase is over, sex can become a tricky thing to stay on top of (pun intended) in many relationships. A while back, Reddit user u/KiirooAmsterdam solicited advice from people who had dealt with this very issue. They asked couples with different sex drives to share any tips they had on keeping things spicy in their relationships. Here are 12 pieces of wisdom that were dropped:
1. "I generally have a much higher sex drive than my husband because by the time he gets back from work, he's just too tired for it. We ended up settling on me waiting until the weekend to have sex, but he'd put extra effort in on the days when he wasn't as tired. It works for us! "
2. "Every Tuesday and Saturday is 'happy day' — usually in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed. It might appear boring, but it is surprisingly calming. There are no surprises, but there is also no nagging, resentment, or expectations."
3. "I am always up for it, but he is not. I just have sex when he wants to. He has, however, shown me the magical world of masturbation and has bought me several wonderful machines that will do the job when he's unable. It's pretty neat."
4. "We make sure to communicate a lot about sex and what we like and how we're feeling. If I make a move and he isn't in the mood, he will be 100% honest about being tired or whatever, and then he'll offer to help me get off. Thankfully for us, that usually gets him going too."
5. "I don't wait for him to initiate. I take control, and once I do that, he realizes he's pretty damn horny too, and then we rock out."
6. "Female birth control can often lower a woman's sex drive. After my girlfriend got off the Pill, she went from being turned on once a month to two or three times a week. If your partner is on the Pill and you're having honest discussions about making things better, try switching to a different form of birth control."
7. "After lots of communication, we've realized that she doesn't enjoy it as much because she gets caught up in her thoughts and is too worried that I'm not enjoying it. This completely ruins it for her. I've found that she enjoys it the most when we've had a few beers or are just waking up. These are the times that her brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders yet, so she wants it and enjoys it without getting into her own head."
8. "Typically, barring a week or so during the month, I simply don't get horny, while he is up for it more often than not (every other day or so). We've worked on what turns me on — vibrators, reading sexy fiction (not quite erotica, but implications of activities), and lowering my stress and anxiety. It doesn't quite even the playing field, but it gets it a hell of a lot closer."
9. "This may sound strange, but exercise. For one, when you look good, you feel good and want your partner to see you in all of your hard-earned glory. Second, my libido (and those of my previous GFs) is always higher when those workout endorphins are pumping every day or every other day."
10. "I track my wife's ovulation cycle. The female libido is highest during ovulation. It lasts for about three to five days. In other days, I turn up the compassion, love, consideration, and empathy, which keeps it going. Basically, don't fuck it up!"
11. "Straight up, we have an open marriage (we've been together 10 years). He has a low libido but does enjoy 'the hunt' from time to time. I have a high libido and have always had a thin line between platonic good friends and physical good friends (anything from cuddling to porn nights to fucking). That absolutely does not work for everyone — it's ONE option. You need to have no jealousy, resentment, or insecurity about it."
12. And finally, "Masturbate a lot. I love my wife, and her libido is not nearly as high as mine. She's willing to 'suck it up' and have sex or give blowjobs when she's not in the mood, but I feel really selfish when she does that (even though she insists I shouldn't). So I masturbate. I honestly don't understand why it's that big a deal."
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.