There's An Unlicensed "Frozen" App Where You Deliver Anna's Baby
Let it grow. It's free, it's insane, and we played it so you don't have to.
It's called Anna Giving Birth, and it's an unlicensed game where Anna from Frozen is pregnant — and it's up to you to deliver her child.
The first thing you see in the game is this distorted psychedelic parrot.
We then cut to a scrapbook montage of Anna and Kristoff's courtship, wedding, and implicit sexual union. In the final slide Anna is positively glowing in the final months of her pregnancy.
Then the game begins. A very pregnant Anna lies before you, stomach exposed. A bouncing cursor indicates toward the "Foetus ECG Monitor."
A sort of helpful cursor indicates you should drag the monitor to her stomach and kind of move it around.
Next the bouncing cursor indicates a hypodermic needle — and a red X on Anna's vein.
Anna smiles lifelessly as you ease the epidural into her bloodstream.
Good thumnsnight, Anna.
This is a good time to mention that non-skippable ads pop up if you stop playing the game, even for a second.
In maybe the first and only Frozen-y part of the game, you drag the first orb across Anna's stomach to apparently freeze it for some reason. She develops an icy patch over her belly.
Now it wants you to pick up the scalpel. The scalpel.
You are now performing a cesarean section on Anna from Frozen.
Here's an ad for a game about cool cars.
Anna now has a hot-pink wound on her pregnant stomach. The bouncing cursor indicates midwifery orb No. 2.
HEY COOL WHAT IS GOING ON
Success! The glowing orb extracts a baby from Anna's abdominal incision. But no time to celebrate yet — the cursor wants you to use the scalpel again. It wants you to use the scalpel on the baby.
You are not going to harm the baby. Instead, you cut the umbilical cord.
Disembodied floating hands abscond with the crying-not-crying baby while Anna remains blissfully unconscious with a magical orb resting in her abdomen.
Kate Upton again.
Now for the final stage in any childbirth — using a magic wand to heal the cesarean incision, leaving a scar-free, perfectly toned stomach underneath.
A starburst transition suddenly fills the screen.
The disembodied hands carry the baby to what appears to be a digital cooking scale in someone's kitchen.
The baby is placed on a bed. It has sticky, non-slip bathtub flowers concealing its genitalia.
The cursor instructs you on how to swaddle the baby, to keep the baby warm and to hide the baby's shame.
Success! The baby is so warm that the size of its head has grown 20%.
You win! Anna, now awake, looks at her newborn child with uncertainty as if to say, "Something's not right. That's not my baby. Where's my baby?"
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