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13 Truly Terrible Sex Scenes From Fiction Books This Year

This year's least erotic reads, via the Bad Sex in Fiction awards. Mild language warning, obviously.

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1.

"Anne," he says, stopping and looking down at me. I am pinned like wet washing with his peg. "Till now, I thought the sweetest sound I could ever hear was cows chewing grass. But this is better." He sways and we listen to the soft suck at the exact place we meet. Then I move and put all thoughts of livestock out of his head.

– The Butcher’s Hook by Janet Ellis

– A Doubter’s Almanac by Ethan Canin

3.

His heart immediately started hammering like mad, and a fiery heat welled up inside him. He wanted to ask something, something tremendously urgent, something incredibly important, something that was tingling on the tip of his tongue but already her other hand was on his other buttock.

– The Tobacconist by Robert Seethaler

– A Doubter’s Almanac by Ethan Canin

5.

Once he’d trained his sphincter to stop reflexively impersonating a Chinese finger trap, it felt pretty good

– Here I Am by Jonathan Safran Foer

– Men Like Air by Tom Connolly

7.

She wiggled her breasts beneath my hands and intensified the pushing. I went in up to my groin and came out almost entirely. My body was her gearstick.

– The Day Before Happiness by Erri De Luca

The Day Before Happiness by Erri De Luca

9.

We breathe heavily, breached, adjusting to air. There is a fish smell too, as if the tide had just gone out. #BadSex

– The Butcher’s Hook by Janet Ellis

Leave Me by Gayle Forman

11.

During sex she would quiet, moving suddenly on top of him like a lion over its prey. Her eyes stayed wide, Andret liked to keep his own closed; but whenever he opened them, there she would be, staring down at him, her black pupils gyroscopically inert.

– A Doubter’s Almanac by Ethan Canin

– The Butcher’s Hook by Janet Ellis

13.

With one thrust I sank into her without coming back out. She took her hands from my hips and from my prick came the entire "yes" that had coursed through her. The "yes" of my emptying and my goodbye, my welcome, the "yes" of a marionette that flops without a hand to hold its strings.

The Day Before Happiness by Erri De Luca


For more info on the Bad Sex Awards, visit the Literary Review's website, or follow them on Twitter @Lit_Review.

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