27 Things You Should Never Do In London

    Eyes down, keep walking. An indispensable travel guide.

    Dan Dalton
    by Dan Dalton

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Stand to the left on an escalator.

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    Everyone else is doing it for a reason. That reason is not "for giggles".

    2. Make eye contact.

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    You may look at your phone or the floor. Whatever you do, don't look up.

    3. Smile.

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    Smiling is for simpletons and psychopaths.

    4. Tell people to smile.

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    Because no.

    5. Start a conversation.

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    This is not a networking opportunity. This is a get out of the way opportunity.

    6. Take pictures of people.

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    Stick this in your slideshow.

    7. Ask people to take a picture of you.

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    8. Ask for directions.

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    We do know. We just don't have time for this.

    9. Eat in public.

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    10. Eat on public transport.

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    Also not cool: Publicly shaming women who eat on public transport.

    11. Be unnecessarily loud in public.

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    Never do anything that draws attention to yourself. Ever.

    12. Have a phone conversation on public transport.

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    Your ringtone should either be a polite cough or nothing.

    13. Engage in public displays of affection.

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    Treat everyone with polite disdain. Even significant others.

    14. Be a tourist.

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    "London, baby!" = Not a thing.

    15. Be from London.

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    16. Mimic a Cockney accent.

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    Mimicry is the highest form of fuck off.

    17. Read a broadsheet newspaper on the Tube.

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    18. Read the newspaper over someone's shoulder.

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    19. Ask where the Queen lives.

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    And no, we've never met her.

    20. Insult the Queen.

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    21. Play your music so loud everyone can hear.

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    You have headphones in. We shouldn't be able to hear every sodding beat.

    22. Put your bag on the seat next to you.

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    Bags: Not people since forever.

    23. Wear your backpack on the Tube.

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    The train is packed. Everyone hates you.

    24. Drag a wheeled suitcase behind you.

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    Seriously. Seriously. Carry your damn bag.

    25. Walk too slowly.

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    Or too quickly. Or, just. Stay off the pavement, OK?

    26. Stop in the middle of the pavement.

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    Don't ever stop moving. Ever.

    27. Insult London.

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    This is our city. You keep your mouth shut.