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27 Things You Should Never Do In London

Eyes down, keep walking. An indispensable travel guide.

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1. Stand to the left on an escalator.

BBC / Via whenyouliveinlondon.tumblr.com

Everyone else is doing it for a reason. That reason is not "for giggles".

2. Make eye contact.

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You may look at your phone or the floor. Whatever you do, don't look up.

3. Smile.

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Smiling is for simpletons and psychopaths.

4. Tell people to smile.

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Because no.

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5. Start a conversation.

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This is not a networking opportunity. This is a get out of the way opportunity.

6. Take pictures of people.

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Stick this in your slideshow.

7. Ask people to take a picture of you.

8. Ask for directions.

MGM / Via replygif.net

We do know. We just don't have time for this.

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9. Eat in public.

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10. Eat on public transport.

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11. Be unnecessarily loud in public.

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Never do anything that draws attention to yourself. Ever.

12. Have a phone conversation on public transport.

Trigger Happy TV / Absolutely Productions

Your ringtone should either be a polite cough or nothing.

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13. Engage in public displays of affection.

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Treat everyone with polite disdain. Even significant others.

14. Be a tourist.

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"London, baby!" = Not a thing.

15. Be from London.

16. Mimic a Cockney accent.

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Mimicry is the highest form of fuck off.

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17. Read a broadsheet newspaper on the Tube.

18. Read the newspaper over someone's shoulder.

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19. Ask where the Queen lives.

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And no, we've never met her.

20. Insult the Queen.

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21. Play your music so loud everyone can hear.

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You have headphones in. We shouldn't be able to hear every sodding beat.

22. Put your bag on the seat next to you.

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Bags: Not people since forever.

23. Wear your backpack on the Tube.

Via whoateallthepies.tv

The train is packed. Everyone hates you.

24. Drag a wheeled suitcase behind you.

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Seriously. Seriously. Carry your damn bag.

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25. Walk too slowly.

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Or too quickly. Or, just. Stay off the pavement, OK?

26. Stop in the middle of the pavement.

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Don't ever stop moving. Ever.

27. Insult London.

Via mrwgifs.com

This is our city. You keep your mouth shut.