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    33 Everyday Words With Hilariously Punny Double Meanings

    Esteemed entries from the Uxbridge English Dictionary, via I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue

    by ,

    The Uxbridge English Dictionary creates hilarious new definitions for all those English words that don't mean what they should. Here are some of our favourites:

    Sian Butcher / BuzzFeed

    Gelatine: Device for cutting the heads off jelly babies

    Crucifix: Religious adhesive

    Vanish: Rather like a van

    Idiomatic: Foolproof dishwasher

    Bidet: Two days before D-Day

    Claptrap: A condom

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    Asterisk: The chances of being hit by an asteroid

    Descent: To remove the smell

    Hobnob: A cooking accident

    Easily: Like an easel

    Floral: Foreplay on the carpet

    Pastiche: What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall

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    Push: Sean Connery's cat

    Farcical: A bike that makes you look stupid

    Expensive: Formerly thoughtful

    Hamas: What Geordies use to bang nails in

    Caustic: Good heavens, a stick!

    Doodah: A cool pirate

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    Bazaar: Barry the Pirate

    Jigsaw: How you feel after Irish dancing

    Unfettered: Without Greek cheese

    Lamb shank: Sean Connery's sheep has drowned

    Macaroon: To leave a Scotsman on a desert island

    Monkey: Like a monk

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    Kindle: A book that burns itself

    Yodelling: A trainee Jedi knight

    Eyeliner: A big ship made by Apple

    Ladder: Like a lad, but even more so

    Alcopops: Alcoholic Dads

    X-ray: Former fish

    Sian Butcher / BuzzFeed

    Warehouse: A person who turns into a house on a full moon

    Norway: A surprised Geordie

    For more, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue: The Best of Forty Years is out now from Windmill Books.

    Listen to I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue here.

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