22 Things Only People Who Hate Noise Will Understand
You shut your damn mouth when you're eating.
1. People who eat loudly are the worst.
They must be stopped. With death.
2. Upon hearing someone eat, you can no longer function properly.
MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP.
3. Your head feels exactly like this.
Only without the sweet relief of no longer existing.
4. See also: people who slurp.
Please feel free to expire.
5. And mouth-breathers.
WHY IS YOUR BREATHING SO LOUD?! WHY?!
6. Sometimes you grit your teeth.
It will all be over soon.
7. But most of the time you don't even try to pretend noise is OK.
Because noise is not O-fucking-K.
8. Especially whistling.
You know how to whistle, right? You put your lips together and FUCK THE FUCK OFF.
9. And snapping fingers.
When people snap their fingers at poetry slams instead of clapping. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT STOP IT NOW.
10. But mostly eating.
ARGHHHHHHH.
11. Of all the sounds, people eating is the most upsetting.
Even thinking about it is giving you an anxiety attack.
12. Misophonia is a neurological condition in which specific sounds cause anxiety, panic, or anger.
Like the sound of people eating.
13. Misophonia translates as "hatred of sound".
Not much is known about the condition, apart from the fact I DEFINITELY HAVE IT.
14. So if you're the kind of person who cringes when someone hocks and spits.
And let's face it, who isn't?
15. Or loses it when they can hear dripping.
This is my hell.
16. Then perhaps your pain now has a name.
That name is misophonia.
17. It's why you can't stand excited squeals.
Nothing is that exciting. Nothing.
18. Or why you desperately need to get as far away as possible from someone who is fucking humming.
Why is this happening to me?
19. Or why you rage when someone clanks cutlery against their teeth.
USE YOUR LIPS AND TONGUE, FUCKERS. NEVER EVER EVER TEETH.
20. And explains why your body shuts down due to that fucking sound people make in clubs when they put their hands in the air.
You know the one I mean.
21. So next time someone is eating loudly, say something. Or better yet, punch something.
Don't suffer in your solitary phonic hell-prison.
22. It doesn't have to end this way.
Well, maybe for the person who can't eat with their goddamn mouth closed.
This post was delightfully sound-free.
Your sanity is welcome.