This Is What It's Like To Watch "Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince" For The First Time
Angst, spells, and perfect snogging.
The story so far: I'm watching Harry Potter for the first time, at 31. It's been six weeks since my last confession. This week I watched and tweeted Half-Blood Prince.
Yaay. If you're new to this, start with the first post here. We'll wait for you.
Finally, I'm about to watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for the first time. Here we go! #finallywatchingHP
Daniel Dalton@wordsbydanFollow
Finally, I'm about to watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for the first time. Here we go! #finallywatchingHP
3:47 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Here we go...
The titles are getting too dark to read.
A tall, pretty waitress is flirting with Harry for some reason.
"I've always had a thing for short guys in brown polo shirts. What's your name?"
"It's Harry, Harry Potter."
"Like the books. There are films too but you should read the books first."
Gambondore shows up to cockblock Harry.
Also to promote his new cologne, Divine Magic: "Sixty per cent of the time, you'll smell like an old wizard all of the time."
He tells Harry about his hand.
"Two weeks of constant masturbation. Should have listened to my mother."
Gambondore apparates Harry to Budleigh Babberton.
“Wands out, Harry.” Lol #finallywatchingHP
“Wands out, Harry.” Lol #finallywatchingHP
3:54 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
They run into Jim Broadbent, one of our finest actors.
He's playing a couch named Horace Slughorn.
After persuading Slughorn to return to Hogwarts, Gambondore drops Harry at Weasley Manor.
Harry and Ginny share a moment.
Followed by some serious Ron/Hermione tension.
This film is basically horny teenagers trying to play with each other's wands.
The gang sit around and Harry tells them about the cockblock incident.
"He blocked me, right in the cock."
Meanwhile, Bellatrix Lestrange and Draco's mum go to see Snape.
Who at this point is either a Death Eater or doing a very good impression of one.
Narcissa asks Snape to help Draco with a task given to him by Voldemort.
"He's just a boy. And he's a little dim."
Snape agrees to help, and takes the Unbreakable Vow to prove he's Team Death Eater.
Ooh an unbreakable vow. Wonder why they call it that? #finallywatchingHP
Ooh an unbreakable vow. Wonder why they call it that? #finallywatchingHP
4:06 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Hogwarts time!
Unless they are catching a train to somewhere else. Which would be weird.
On the train, Harry explains his theory that Draco Hair Gel is now a Death Eater.
"Look at his hair. It's glorious. Like father, like son."
To try and prove his theory, Harry goes to spy on Draco.
"I'm mostly using mousse these days. You get all of the hold, with none of the stickiness."
Draco discovers Harry, and tells him it's not nice to spy.
He communicates this by stamping on Harry's face.
Harry eventually arrives at the hall, covered in blood.
"Let's hope it's his blood this time, and he's not been out murdering."
Gambondore announces that Professor Slughorn will be taking over Potions, and Snape will be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.
Ooh Snape finally gets his wish to be Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. This can’t end well. #finallywatchingHP
Ooh Snape finally gets his wish to be Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. This can’t end well. #finallywatchingHP
4:21 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Then he concludes dinner with a typically rousing speech.
"Nothing to worry about, except all of the things."
McGonagall finds Harry and Ron larking about in the hall.
"What are you doing, Potter? There's a fucking plot to get on with."
"Sorry Miss, we had a free period."
"Plus we haven't actually read the script."
"I suggest you go and take Professor Slughorn's Potions class, since he seems integral to the plot this time around."
"And tell Weasley to stop whining and find something to do." #BossWitch
In class Slughorn tells Harry and Ron to grab a textbook from the cupboard and join in.
Slughorn: No longer a couch.
There are two books left: a brand-new edition and a tattered old one.
After a brief struggle, Harry gets the shit one.
Slughorn has brewed two potions; the first, Hermione witchsplains, is a powerful love potion.
"It smells different for everyone, depending on what you love. I smell books, mostly."
"What does Voldemort smell?"
"Nothing. Lol."
The second, Liquid Plot Device, he offers as a prize to the student who can brew the best cup of tea.
“Liquid Plot Device. One sip and you’ll find that all of your endeavors succeed.” #finallywatchingHP
“Liquid Plot Device. One sip and you’ll find that all of your endeavors succeed.” #finallywatchingHP
4:27 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Harry opens his textbook to find this inscription.
Just like the title!
The book is filled with helpful notes, which gives Harry an advantage over the rest, with their shiny new books.
Always go for the used textbooks, kids #finallywatchingHP
Always go for the used textbooks, kids #finallywatchingHP
4:28 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Cue hilarious potion-brewing montage.
You can tell Hermione is struggling because hair.
Harry wins the vial of Liquid Plot Device.
I'm sure that won't come in handy.
Later, Gambondore shows Harry the memory of his first meeting with Tom Riddle.
Or, as his friends refer to him, T-Ridds.
It's the '70s, and Gambondore goes to an orphanage to meet Tom.
'70s Gambondore is super fly.
Tom is a normal, run-of-the-mill child psychopath.
"I can make bad things happen to people who are mean to me."
"Did I know I'd just met the most dangerous Dark Wizard of all time?"
"No. Super creepy kid though."
Gambondore tells Harry that Riddle was especially close to Professor Slughorn, and that he needs Harry to get close to him too.
"You said he'd try to kidnap me. Should I let him?"
"Kidnap?! I said 'collect', Harry."
"And yes, obvs."
"OK. But I hope I get kidnapped at some point."
"I fucking love being kidnapped."
SPORTSBALL!
At Quidditch trials, Ron is trying out for Keeper against the hunky DJ from Pitch Perfect.
Remember?
How could you forget.
He's a bit of a knob, it seems.
But a knob that's pretty good at Quidditch.
Thankfully, Ron is pretty good too, if not a little clumsy.
Classic Ron.
Hermione, whose patience for alpha males left Hogwarts when Krum did, curses the hunky DJ from Pitch Perfect, meaning Ron makes the team.
Classic Hermione.
Then there is a whole bit about how much Harry loves his Potions textbook.
But that's OK, because books are fucking brilliant.
Remembering that this film has a plot, Harry takes the gang for a Butterbeer to try to get closer to Professor Slughorn.
Ron wants to leave, partly because he's not a fan of the trophy stag heads displayed on the mantle.
But mostly because Ginny is there, trying to extract Butterbeer from Dean Thomas's sweet, sweet lips.
Mmm. Butterbeer.
A drunken Slughorn takes the bait, and comes over to chat with Harry.
"I often invite young students to my quarters late at night for supper, which is in no way creepy. Not at all. You should come over."
On the way back from the pub, the trio hear a scream.
And not in the good way.
They see a student lying in the snow.
"I warned her not to touch it. I warned her!"
Suddenly she floats 10 feet in the air and hangs there, making this face.
Good luck sleeping tonight.
This is literally the scariest scene in all of the Harry Potter films thus far, and it comes out of nowhere.
"Wow, she can really enunciate. You can practically see her stomach."
Turns out she'd been put under a hex in the toilets and told to deliver this to Gambondore.
This is why you should always go to the toilet in pairs.
McGonagall is livid.
"Why it is always you three?"
"Dunno, Miss. Plot I guess."
Oh look, it's a Wednesday. No one told Harry.
"It always happens when you give these little people power..."
"It goes to their heads like strong drink."
Snape turns up, and confirms what they already knew.
"It appears to be a necklace."
Harry knows the culprit.
"It was Draco. I just know it was."
"You just..."
"...know."
"Yeah, bro, I do."
"Once again you astonish me with your gifts, Potter. How grand it must be..."
"...to be the chosen one."
"I do hope I’m interrupting something."
"I suggest you get back to your dormitories."
In bed, Ron and Harry talk about the most perplexing mystery they've ever faced: girls.
Girls have nice skin, and stuff #finallywatchingHP
Girls have nice skin, and stuff #finallywatchingHP
4:51 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
At Professor Slughorn's supper, Slughorn makes this face.
"Psst. Look, it's the hunky DJ guy from Pitch Perfect."
And Hermione tells a hilarious anecdote about her parents, who are dentists.
"Like wizards, but for your teeth!"
The story bombs, and everyone goes home.
Top supper banter #finallywatchingHP
Top supper banter #finallywatchingHP
4:52 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Except Harry, who stays behind to chat.
And apparently came to the party dressed as David Foster Wallace.
"Did you teach Tom Riddle?"
"His friends called him T-Ridds."
"Yes, I know who you mean. Quiet boy. Enjoyed murder."
"Not unlike yourself."
SPORTSBALL!
During the game, the Slytherin team whip out the legendary Flying V formation.
Thanks, Coach Bombay!
"Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!" #DucksFlyTogether
But even the Flying V can't get past Ron, who is having the game of his life.
Mostly because he thinks Harry slipped him the Liquid Plot Device before the game.
But Harry tricked him — it's just a placebo!
Classic Harry.
This means Ron is actually good at something! The crowd chant his name.
#Wood4Ron
After the game, this girl tries to kiss the popularity right off Ron's lips.
Mmmm. Popularity.
Hermione runs away and cries, because she wants to kiss the popularity off Ron's sweet, sweet lips.
It’s all gone a bit emo #finallywatchingHP
It’s all gone a bit emo #finallywatchingHP
5:02 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
With his band, The Shade Throwers, broken up, Draco turns his attentions to his latest shot at fame: stage magic.
"Imma be a magician. Witches love magicians."
Slughorn throws a Christmas party, with only select students invited to attend. Neville was not invited, so he's working instead.
"I didn't make the Slug Club, but it's OK though."
More than OK if you ask me.
#Wood4Neville
Filch finds Draco lurking around outside the party.
Snape offers to escort him out.
Draco tells Snape about his stage magic dreams, and Snape tells Draco about the Unbreakable Vow he made.
Harry hears the whole thing.
Harry tells Ron, who offers some keen insight.
“But you can’t break an unbreakable vow.” – Thanks, Ron. #finallywatchingHP
“But you can’t break an unbreakable vow.” – Thanks, Ron. #finallywatchingHP
5:08 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
At Christmas dinner, Harry tells Lupin his theory.
"Don't be ridiculous, no one wants to be a stage magician. They're the fucking worst."
For Christmas, the Death Eaters make the Weasley family a nice fire to keep them warm.
It's the thought that counts.
FLASHBACK!
T-Ridds is asking Slughorn about dark magic, but the audio cuts out. I definitely thought it was my headphones and rewound to try again.
"Confused? Slughorn tampered with the memory, I suspect he's ashamed of it."
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Persuade Slughorn to divulge his true memory by any means necessary."
"Any means, sir?"
"Like murder?"
"No, Harry. Not like murder."
"Like, get him drunk and ask him for fuck's sake."
Harry tries that, and takes Ron along for good measure.
Sweet vest, bro.
Turns out Ron can't handle his mead, and he ends up in the infirmary.
Classic Ron.
Snape, Slughorn, and Gambondore show up to watch the unlikely love triangle between Lavender, Hermione, and Ron unfold.
"Two girls fighting over Ron Weasley?! This I gotta see." –Everyone
Things get heated pretty quickly.
"Does Lavender Brown have to choke a bitch?"
"Back the fuck up and fuck the fuck off."
"You better recognise."
McGonagall has seen enough.
"Vulgarity is no substitute for wit, but she's got you there."
Snape is doing an admirable job of appearing interested. Gambondore was hoping for more.
"What, no fisticuffs? Fuck this, I'm out."
Meanwhile, Draco is crying in the bathroom.
Draco crying over the dead bird like that kid from Dumb & Dumber #finallywatchingHP
Draco crying over the dead bird like that kid from Dumb & Dumber #finallywatchingHP
5:39 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Harry finds him there.
"Stage magic is the fucking worst. Also, your hair looks shit."
A duel ensues.
"You take that back, Potter. My hair is glorious. Glorious!"
Harry fucks up Draco's shit with a spell from the book.
Thanks, Half-Blood Prince!
The gang decide it's best for Harry to get rid of the book.
Ginny takes him to the room of requirement to hide it.
With sexy results!
"Oh Harry, it's so hot when you almost murder people."
To help get the memory from Slughorn, Harry drinks the Liquid Plot Device.
But it never crossed his mind to drink it then go kill Voldemort, because there are still two films left after this.
MASSIVE SPIDER ALERT *hides* #finallywatchingHP
MASSIVE SPIDER ALERT *hides* #finallywatchingHP
5:47 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
For some reason Harry takes Slughorn to see Giant Robbie Coltrane, who is mourning his dead spider friend.
Then there is a spider funeral.
At the wake, Slughorn gets drunk and agrees to give Harry the memory.
"Don't think badly of me. He was an evil little shit."
FLASHBACK!
T-Ridds ask Slughorn about Horcruxes, objects that hold part of your soul so that you cannot die. All you have to do is kill a few people, no biggie.
"So if I want to split my soul into seven pieces, I'd have to commit seven murders? All hypothetical of course."
"Lol, but not really, I'm totes gonna do it."
Gambondore does not take the news well.
"We are fucked."
"We need to find the rest of the Horcruxes and destroy them. Tom Riddle's diary was the first. Six to go."
"But how will we find them?"
"They could be anything."
"Fuck knows. But you've got two films to figure it out."
“Once again, I must ask too much of you, Harry. You know, because plot.” #finallywatchingHP
“Once again, I must ask too much of you, Harry. You know, because plot.” #finallywatchingHP
6:00 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Gambondore apparates them to some sea cliffs. It's very scenic.
"Um... Where are we?"
"Well, even though I said I had no idea about the Horcruxes until tonight, I've actually been searching for them for months, completely contradicting myself."
"I think I've found another one. It's in this cave."
In the cave there is a bowl full of Jägermeister. Gambondore must drink the lot to get the Horcrux.
Jäger is the worst.
Unsurprisingly, it makes him quite sick, so he asks Harry to force-feed him the rest.
Harry is obviously really torn up about this. *shoves Jäger down his mentor's throat*
Harry grabs the Horcrux. So far so good.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this” – Me #finallywatchingHP
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this” – Me #finallywatchingHP
6:09 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Right on time, a bunch of Gollum-inspired cave zombies turn up and crash the party.
They probably have a name in the book. But cave zombie will do.
Until Gambondore fucks up their shit with fire.
Sick burn, bro.
Back at Hogwarts, it's Death Eater Open Evening.
With a little help from Draco's magic cabinet act. Fucking magicians.
Even in his weakened state, Gambondore knows something isn't right.
He makes Harry hide.
Draco turns up, revealing the secret mission given to him by Voldemort: Kill Gambondore.
“You’re no assassin, Draco.” “No I am, honest, check out my tatt.” #finallywatchingHP
“You’re no assassin, Draco.” “No I am, honest, check out my tatt.” #finallywatchingHP
6:17 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Bellatrix and the Death Eaters show up, as does Snape, who finds Harry hiding.
He tells him to stay hidden.
Snape stops Draco. He can barely look at Gambondore.
"Severus."
"Please."
And then Snape kills Gambondore.
Shit. Not again. #finallywatchingHP
Shit. Not again. #finallywatchingHP
6:20 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Snape and the Death Eaters make their escape. Harry chases them down.
“SNAPE! HE TRUSTED YOU. FIGHT BACK, YOU COWARD. FIGHT BACK.”
Harry tries a spell from the book, but Snape disarms him.
"You dare use my own spells against me?"
"Yes, I'm the Half..."
"...blood..."
"...prince."
Snape escapes, and Harry makes his way back to Gambondore. A crowd has gathered round.
Harry kneels over the body.
Everyone is silent.
Fighting back tears. #finallywatchingHP
Fighting back tears. #finallywatchingHP
6:21 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
McGonagall raises her wand.
The rest of the crowd follow.
*Raises wand* #finallywatchingHP
*Raises wand* #finallywatchingHP
6:23 PM - 15 Oct 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
RIP Gambondore.
Fuck, this is so sad.
After all that it turns out the Horcrux was fake. Turns out someone stole it, and left a note.
He signed it "R.A.B.", who I'm pretty sure is Regulus Black but I guess it's a whole mystery and I'm supposed to wait till the next film to find out.
"I'm not coming back next year, Hermione. I'm going to finish whatever Gambondore started, but I'm going to do it my way."
"With murder."
"You know, I never noticed how beautiful this place was."
Really, Harry? I mean, really?!
The end.
I really loved this film. It was beautifully shot and well-balanced, and I did not see the ending coming.
As with Sirius, it's hard to imagine the last two films without Gambondore.
Also, the main three were really upping their acting games. Oh, and that score. Just wow. Can't wait for the next film!
Goodbye, old friend.