1. A selfie collection that even Kim K. couldn't keep up with.
2. A very bitter slice of cheesecake.
3. Chocolate and heartbreak.
4. Doritos can be super romantic to some people, right?
5. Church on Valentine's isn't the sexiest plan.
6. A very lonely bottle of shampoo.
7. A day pass to the doghouse.
8. A sucky gift that glows in the dark.
9. Nice earrings for someone who can't wear them.
10. Mean kids being assholes.
11. A trip to the hospital.
12. A desk chair for a deskless home.
13. A one-way ticket to the friendzone.
14. Macaroni art.
15. A lecture on capitalism.
16. Nothing says I love you like an artsy dick pic.
17. And what sounds like the beginning of a murder mystery show and endless nightmares.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.