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An Open Letter To The Boy That Abused My Best Friend

A year ago my best friend met the boy who would proceed to abuse her for seven months. This is my letter to that boy.

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How's school going? Do you like your classes? Have you picked your major? 

Are you staying healthy? Are you eating well? Are you sleeping enough?

Have you made any new friends? Have you met any girls you were interest in? Did you sleep with any of them and if so did you do it without hesitation? 

To be clear, I'm not asking you these questions because I care, but I want you to think about each one and answer honestly. Then, I want you to go back to last year and think about what your answers would have been back then.

Chances are there are some discrepancies. I'm sure your interests have changed and your feelings are different but overall I think it's safe to say that your life is pretty much the same as it was a year ago, if not better. That's a luxury you have that you don't deserve and to show you how lucky you are, let me tell you about my year.

A year ago I had the most beautiful, lively, kind, and hilarious best friend. She was the type of person that people write songs and novels about. She was the person that you bragged about knowing and the one that you thanked God for having even if you weren't religious. She was my soulmate, my sister, and the best thing to ever come into my life. And then you came along.

I remember the first time she mentioned your name. I could feel her smiling through the phone. I remember how happy I was to know that she had finally found someone worthy of her. I had always been the harshest critic of anyone she liked, so it was a relief to find out she had found you. To this day, my biggest regret is not fighting for more information or looking deeper into who you were.

As the months went by I saw small changes. She looked skinnier in pictures, but being a teenage girl that's something you're always (or at least told to be) striving for. She was quieter when we talked and responded to my texts less, but we were on different coasts so I figured it was because of the time change. She was less active social media, but I thought it was a sign of maturity, not depression. If I had known it was because of you I would have taken the first flight out of JFK and personally removed you from her life, but like I said before: my best friend was the kindest person I know. She (like so many other domestic violence victims do) forgave you and protected you even though you did nothing but manipulate and abuse her.

Tell me something, do you know what it's like to watch the most incredible person in your life doubt themselves? Do you know what it's like to listen to the person you love cry for hours while you sit there unable to do anything to make them stop? Do you know what it's like to think back on all the warning signs you missed and to feel partly responsible because you didn't pay enough attention? Because I do. For the last few months that's what my life has been: working every moment to make sure that my best friend is the breathtaking, wonderful human she was before she met you. I don't say this in a resentful way because helping her and knowing that she's getting better makes me happier than anything in the world. But I want you to know that when you hit her or when you bashed her head into the headboard or gave her bruises that lasted weeks, you weren't just hurting her. You hurt everyone that loves her too. And I'm telling you that that is a hell of a lot of people. 

Today, my best friend is still the most beautiful, lively, kind and hilarious person I know. She is also the strongest person I know and my hero. You see, you tried to break her. You tried to manipulate her and to make her smaller so that you felt bigger and while it may have worked for a little bit, I can promise you that you did not define her. What you did to her did not crush her and what has happened to her has not and will not destroy her. 

I asked you how your life has changed from a year ago and I feel like we can both agree that it's pretty much the same. For that I feel sorry for you. Because I have become a better friend and my best friend has become a better person, while you have stayed pathetic and weak.

I hope one day you're strong enough to get help. But if not, then I hope one day you face your karma. Because you cannot go around making people feel like they're nothing, and you certainly cannot make my best friend feel like that without some form of repercussion. 

Sincerely,

Dani

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