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87 Thoughts Everyone Has While Shopping At Canadian Tire

Where my Canadian Tire money at?

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1. Yes! BBQs on sale. Finally, I'M GOING TO GET MY GRILL ON.

2. I'm only here for a BBQ. I'm going to beeline to the BBQs.

3. Is that a pool beside the entrance!?

4. Who cares if it's for kids. I could totally fit in that.

5. Only $26.99. That's SUCH A BARGAIN for my very own pool.

6. Mmmm. I don't think it would fit in my car.

7. Why does the store continuously smell like rubber? It's like it's tire-scented.

8. Ooooh, look at this patio set! And this lounger!

9. OMG I can just see myself sipping a caesar, lounging in the sun. I'd use this lounger EVERY DAY THIS SUMMER and get my money's worth.

10. ...Except when I'm at work. Which is most days.

11. Where would BBQs be? Seasonal section?

12. Bug spray! I definitely need some bug spray. Oh, and sunscreen! Sun safety first.

13. Maybe I should get a cart.

14. Do I need a new hose? This one seems like an exceptional hose. Just look at this guy on the package with his golf course-worthy lawn.

15. Why isn't my lawn that green?

16. Maybe it would be if I got this "Pure Premium" grass seed?

17. Nah, if I feed it "premium" grass seed it'll just grow faster and I'll have to mow it more often.

18. Ain't nobody got time for that.

19. How did I get into the home section?

20. Knives! My knives are crap. Grown-ups should have a good set of knives. And I AM a grown-up.

21. $379!???

22. Maybe I just need a better knife sharpener.

23. Look at all these kitchen gadgets. I'm seriously lacking on the kitchen gadget-front.

24. I pretty much NEED this garlic press.

25. AND this potato chipper! I'll make my own homemade fries . They'll be healthy and delicious and my friends will wonder where I came by such culinary genius.

26. I wonder if stand-mixers are on sale?

27. OMG Cake Boss Cake Kits. I LOVE Cake Boss.

28. Look at this! I could make a gorgeous cake!

29. Do you think there's any skill involved?

30. Because if there is, maybe count me out. I'm probably better at eating cake anyway.

31. So, the BBQs aren't in the home section. Where are they? WHY ARE THEY HIDING THEM FROM ME?

32. I doubt they're in the lighting section. That's a nice fixture, though.

33. I bet it would really up the ambience of my house if I replaced all my bowl fixtures with cool, unique ones.

34. Do I know how to replace lighting fixtures? No, no I don't.

35. I bet there's a YouTube video about it.

36. Portable air conditioner. That would be sweet to have in my bedroom.

37. If I had one, I wouldn't melt into a puddle of insomnia when it's 30 degrees.

38. BUT...it's really only 30 degrees about 6 times a year and this air conditioner is, like, $500.

39. I MUST check out the Outdoor Living area.

40. Just to see...what if they have some life-changing camping gear or something?

41. I've always loved the tackle section.

42. It reminds me of summer holidays at the cottage. But I never did quite understand what that play-dough stuff is for.

43. Look at all this camping and outdoor gear.

44. I should be more outdoorsy.

45. You can eat, like, 10 S'mores sans regret when you're camping.

46. That's it—I'm going camping and hiking EVERY WEEKEND this summer.

47. Then I could get a really cool tent. Oooh, I wish they had tents like the ones in Harry Potter.

48. Nope, no magical tents. But this is a sweet kayak.

49. The rubber smell is getting stronger. I see tires!

50. People always say NOT to get your car worked on here.

51. I wonder if it's just a bad rep? They seem like they would know their stuff, being named "Canadian Tire" and all.

52. I should get a new air freshener for my car.

53. Tropical Bliss sounds appropriate for summer.

54. My car would smell like a gentle breeze on a tropical island.

55. Look at these floor mats! They're so thick and sturdy. Maybe this is where that rubber smell is coming from?

56. My floor mats look the worse for wear. I could use new ones.

57. Maybe not with the Tasmanian Devil on them, though.

58. Or Tinkerbell.

59. Okay, I just need to track someone down and ask where the BBQs are.

60. I'm going to chase this poor teenager down this aisle.

61. I wonder if he likes working here? Does he go home smelling like rubber?

62. Take me to the BBQs, oh Teenage Canadian Tire Employee.

63. Ah yes! BBQs! We're having steak to-night!

64. Now that this kid has shown me where the BBQs are, he's just awkwardly watching me look at them.

65. Should I ask him a BBQ-related question?

66. Do teenagers know things about BBQs?

67. Probably not since they don't usually own houses or decks or BBQs.

68. Do I know things about BBQs?

69. Anyway, I know which one I want. It's right here in the flyer.

70. This one! Oh, beautious BBQ. I have been searching for you.

71. You can come live with me.

72. OH NO. That's one hell of a lineup.

73. So this is where everyone is the history of Canada comes on the weekend.

74. I thought everyone was supposed to be at Ikea?

75. Is it weird that Canadian Tire sells tins of shortbread cookies?

76. Don't look to the side. DON'T LOOK TO THE SIDE. That's where they display things to tempt you.

77. YOU DO NOT NEED FURNITURE PADS.

78. But they are always a good thing to have on hand.

79. I should get a pack.

80. Remember when we were kids and they used to sell those little styrofoam airplanes by the tills?

81. Those were fun.

82. I got a sweet deal on my BBQ. Good job on making carefully thought out and smart purchases, self.

83. Oh right, plus my bug spray, sunscreen, garlic press, potato chipper, and furniture pads.

84. Whatever. ALL of those things will be needed at some point, right?

85. AND I'm earning travel points on my credit card. So...that's like saving money towards my next holiday.

86. I don't get any Canadian Tire Money with my credit card purchase!? Lame.

87. Anyway, I miss real Canadian Tire Money.