17 Ways "Big" Actually Ruined Adulthood For You

    "I wish I were big." No you don't.

    1. Because you'll never earn a job promotion by playing a giant piano with your boss:

    2. Because if you spat up ~fancy~ caviar at a party, your hot co-worker wouldn't hit on you:

    3. Because regular-sized corn just seems BORING now:

    4. Because you'll never live on one entire floor of the most amazing penthouse in New York City...

    5. ...or have the room to just skate around in your living room...

    6. ...or have a giant trampoline in it either:

    7. Because you thought one day your job might involve playing with toys all day long:

    8. Or at least having your very own office full of toys:

    9. Because you'll never be this excited about what your paycheck looks like after taxes:

    10. Because you thought having someone "sleep over" for the first time would involve more adorable glow-in-the-dark compass rings:

    11. Because you thought it would be totally normal to have a full size soda machine in your apartment as an adult:

    12. Because you'll never look in your underwear and have a positive reaction:

    13. Because you won't be able to get away with trashing your apartment without your roommate or S.O. getting mad at you:

    14. Because if you actually single-handedly tore apart a co-workers' presentation in front of half the office, your boss wouldn't commend you on it:

    15. Because you wouldn't be able to get away with wearing something like this to a work function:

    16. Because you know there will never actually be a magic Zoltar Speaks game to grant you wishes:

    17. And finally, because you'll never be able to go back to being a kid again: