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17 Ways "Big" Actually Ruined Adulthood For You

"I wish I were big." No you don't.

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1. Because you'll never earn a job promotion by playing a giant piano with your boss:

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2. Because if you spat up ~fancy~ caviar at a party, your hot co-worker wouldn't hit on you:

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3. Because regular-sized corn just seems BORING now:

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4. Because you'll never live on one entire floor of the most amazing penthouse in New York City...

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5. ...or have the room to just skate around in your living room...

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6. ...or have a giant trampoline in it either:

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7. Because you thought one day your job might involve playing with toys all day long:

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8. Or at least having your very own office full of toys:

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9. Because you'll never be this excited about what your paycheck looks like after taxes:

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10. Because you thought having someone "sleep over" for the first time would involve more adorable glow-in-the-dark compass rings:

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11. Because you thought it would be totally normal to have a full size soda machine in your apartment as an adult:

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12. Because you'll never look in your underwear and have a positive reaction:

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13. Because you won't be able to get away with trashing your apartment without your roommate or S.O. getting mad at you:

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14. Because if you actually single-handedly tore apart a co-workers' presentation in front of half the office, your boss wouldn't commend you on it:

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15. Because you wouldn't be able to get away with wearing something like this to a work function:

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16. Because you know there will never actually be a magic Zoltar Speaks game to grant you wishes:

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17. And finally, because you'll never be able to go back to being a kid again:

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