If You've Been Dating For At Least Five Years, Then For Sure You've Done All These Things
Sign of a healthy relationship: farting.
1. Inspected your S.O.’s back for ~strange~ hairs...or zits.
2. Squeezed a particularly large, and ready-to-pop zit for them.
3. Actually been annoyed that they popped a zit without letting you try first.
4. Farted and then leaned in for a hug or kiss without telling your S.O. you farted (until it's too late).
5. Put your cold, dry feet on their legs on a particularly chilly night.
6. Rolled over in bed and gotten a whiff of their “smell” on their pillow (both by accident and on purpose).
7. Shared the same eating utensil.
8. Picked food off their plate with your fingers.
9. Tweezed an ingrown pubic hair for your S.O.
10. Picked up their dirty clothes…and underwear.
11. Taken a photo of a “weird looking” part of their head for them, so they could see it.
12. Looked deep into their throat for a possibly stuck piece of food.
13. Told each other, “My breath smells like shit!” on several occasions.
14. Actually gotten a whiff of their garbage-like morning breath. (Not necessarily on purpose.)
15. Farted with your S.S. lying in the same bed…
16. ...and ATTEMPTED to dutch-oven them right after. (Although, they prob fought it hard.)
11. Worked VERY hard to hold in a fart while having sex.
18. Cleaned their hair from the bathroom sink, floor, shower, toilet…
19. ...and also found their hair in SUPER random places, like stuck to the microwave.
20. Had a very casual conversation with them as you brushed your teeth and they peed.
21. Farted and then announced, very loudly, to your S.O., “OMG, it smells like something died inside me!”
22. Cleaned the weird stains and snots they’ve left behind in the shower.
23. And finally, known that there’s nothing TOO gross that you or your S.O. could ever do with each other...except for share a toothbrush. That’s nasty.