WARNING: IT KINDA GOES WITHOUT SAYING, BUT THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!
1. This intro never gets old...although I am always slightly annoyed by the four ellipses at the end of the crawl.
2. THE DEAD SPEAK!
3. Lots of references to the prequel films with “Revenge” and “Phantom” — gotta assume that’s not coincidental.
4. I feel really bad for these forest dudes Kylo Ren and his Knights are slaughtering…
5. ...ooh a mysterious box with some kinda tracking device inside. (A Sith wayfinder, apparently.)
6. Man, Kylo is ON. A. MISSION. He’s really turned the dial up to eleven.
7. Into this creepy planet and its very Blade Runner-esque building.
8. Also very into the giant Sith statues and even these creepy mummy Sith super fans.
9. Ooooh failed Snoke clones. Gross but cool.
10. ZOMBIE PALPATINE!
11. Just a shit ton of Star Destroyers raised from the dead. NBD.
12. Oh, really, a new alien helping out on the Millenium Falcon. He’s kinda goofy looking, but I’ll let it pass.
13. I love this banter that Finn and Poe have, it's like an old couple.
14. Ahh, the famous Falcon top hatch that Lando saved Luke with!!!
15. VERY into this lightspeed skipping business — a convenient, yet fun, way to see a bunch of random planets. LOL.
16. Awww, Rey is trying to reach out to past Jedis. SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS REY!
17. LOL, this note Luke left behind in the Jedi texts is VERY Indiana Jones-y...and I don’t hate that.
18. I love, love, love seeing the whole gang together flying the Millenium Falcon! It’s about time!!!
19. Pasaana, another new planet! And it’s VERY Tattooine-esque...how many desert planets are there in the Star Wars-verse I wonder…
20. OK, straight up, if someone yanked a necklace off my neck I would be like, “RUDE!”
21. Yesssss LANDO!!!!!
22. Lando’s like, “Oh, Han’s dead, but Leia’s still alive? Alriiiiiiiiight.”
23. OMG. That Aki-Aki creature is probably like, “I just welcomed you to our village and gave you a necklace...AND THEN YOU STOLE OUR LANDSPEEDERS?! WTF?????”
24. I’ll be honest, I’m a little confused about the details of what’s happening right now. Like, I know the gang is looking for clues to something Luke left, but like…this is kind of a lot?
25. Poor C-3PO people are always shitting on him. (But I love him, so that’s OK.)
26. Real talk for a second: Why would you inscribe directions on a dagger? That seems random and also impractical?
27. Poor snake. But also, ew snake.
28. I will never not love this shot of Rey jumping over Kylo’s TIE ship.
29. *Sees lightning bolts from Rey’s hand* Wh….WHAAA??? Wow.
30. CHEWBACCA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (But also, I’m sure he’s OK, this is Star Wars after all not Game of Thrones.)
31. And they’re off to ANOTHER planet because we’re on a serious adventure here, folks.
32. Hello Kerri Russel in a very cool, yet impractical, helmet.
33. Interesting they’re introducing this kinda romantic backstory for Poe — is this for a future spinoff???
34. Female friendship for the win!
35. I can barely understand a word this little droidsmith Babu Frik is saying but OBVIOUSLY I love him.
36. Poor C-3PO...a lifetime of people being kinda mean to him only to have his memory wiped. Actually, maybe that’s for the better.
37. This moment seemed sadder in the trailer, because now I know they’re just going to re-upload his memory. ALSO, he’s had his memory wiped before, so...he fine.
38. OMG, Babu Frik and C-3PO...the buddy comedy we didn’t know we needed!
39. Zorii Bliss you are TOO nice. Straight up, I would not give an ex (at least, I presume Poe is her ex based on how they’re acting) a valuable thing like that!
40. Rey is Palpatine’s granddaughter — the most shocking thing about this is that that means someone actually boned Palpatine at some point and I never wanted that image in my head.
41. LOL...I love how petty General Hux is.
42. Oh, wow, that was a quick reveal. Sorry Hux!
43. Also, how GREAT is Richard E. Grant, folks?!?!
44. And, OF COURSE, the (second) Death Star crashed on a planet in the Endor system!
45. I am still not really into this whole dagger thing, but like...again, I’ll accept it. This is all very Goonies-esque.
46. IDK where Rey got this skiff, but OK! Apparently she’s really into stealing other people’s vehicles now.
47. Oooh, the Emperor’s throne room...and throne!
48. Is it me, or is it weird that someone would make a “map” (the dagger) that leads to where this second Sith Wayfinder is as opposed to just like taking the Sith Wayfinder and hiding it somewhere less...available to anyone???
49. Whatever, moving on…
50. Lightsaber duel!!!
51. Oh no, Leia...am I prepared? I knew this moment was coming but gaaaaah.
52. Oh! Sorry Kylo?
53. JK, you good Kylo. LUCKY YOU.
54. TBH, I wouldn’t mind being exiled on Ahch-To. It seems very calm and pretty?
55. Yesssss, FORCE GHOST LUKE!
56. O.M.G. LEIA HAD A LIGHTSABER AND IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT?!?!?!
57. YES TO LUKE TRAINING LEIA. YES TO THEM RUNNING AROUND WITH LIGHTSABERS. YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!
58. But also, now I’m all bummed out because how cool would it have been to have a movie with Luke and Leia running around as Jedis with a young Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher?! SIGH.
59. Oh...Luke raising his X-Wing (FINALLY). Lots of feels. LOTS of feels. But I’m not crying.
60. OK now I am crying. Goddamnit, Chewbacca. CHEWIE. Seeing him breakdown over Leia is the most heartbreaking thing. He’s all alone now! HIS OLD FRIENDS ARE ALL GONE NOW. A PUPPY WHO'S LOST HIS ENTIRE FAMILY!
61. UGH AND NOW HAN SOLO. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME JJ?????
62. Honestly, I am barely listening to what Han is saying to Ben because I’m still fucked up over seeing Chewbacca fucked up.
63. Now that I’ve had a moment to collect myself...wow Exegol. Rey. Sith loyalists — who are these guys? There are SO many of them????
64. I would really love to see Rey raise a bunch of Jedi from the dead kinda like how Aragorn did in Lord of the Rings???
65. Meanwhile, I am loving this battle up in space!
66. Well duh, OF COURSE, Lando returns to save the day...again. Though I kinda wish he was co-piloting with Nien Nunb again.
67. AND NOW EVERYONE IS CHEERING FOR WEDGE BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE!!!
68. OK, not quite the raising of the dead I was expecting, but MAN so cool to hear all these iconic Jedi voices!!
69. Gotta give it to Palpatine, the guy has an M.O. and he sticks with it even after death. That’s dedication.
70. Ah-ha so THAT’S why they did the necklace thing earlier with Ben and Rey — they can physically transfer stuff to each other guys!!!
71. This battle isn’t as epic as the one in The Last Jedi, but I’m still here for it.
72. WOW, that’s...a lot of lightning.
73. Bye bye Palpatine!
74. Of course Ben is back to save Rey.
75. OK, I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but it seems weird that he’s putting his hand over her abdomen to resurrect her with the Force (shouldn’t it be the heart?) UNLESS…he’s weirdly impregnating her (inadvertently) with a Force baby??? IDK. Seems like this could be left open to interpretation.
76. Ohhhhhh, are they gonna kiss? They’re gonna kiss.
77. They kissed.
78. And now Ben has...passed out? Oh. Nope.
79. Time for a celebration montage!
80. WICKET!!! AND HE HAS A LIL’ EWOK BABY. BABY WICKET!! (Will Baby Wicket ever get to meet Baby Yoda????)
81. OK, but how can anyone resist a look like that from Poe?
82. Awww, yay Star Wars' first gay kiss/couple!
83. Why do I expect Maz to lay one on Chewbacca? Doesn't she have the hots for him??
84. OMG...Chewbacca is finally getting that damn medal he deserved at the end of A New Hope. And the fact that it's Han's???? *TEARS UP AGAIN*
85. Ooooh, epilogue...on TATTOOINE!
86. Oh man, feels again. This is where the Skywalker adventure all began.
87. I wonder if they shot at the original location or just recreated it all on a soundstage with some CGI?
88. Rey may be a powerful Jedi, but the girl still likes to sled down sand! Ha.
89. OK, who’s gonna go and dig up the Luke and Leia lightsabers in the future though??? ‘Cause you know it’s possible.
90. REY HAS BUILT HER OWN LIGHTSABER AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL!
91. This old lady looks like someone, but...she’s prob just some random local.
92. Force ghost Luke and Leiaaaaaaaa!!!!
93. Wowowow. Rey Skywalker! She chose them as her family!!!
94. OMG. Twin sunsets… yes, JJ. YES.
95. The perfect final shot.
