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23 Times “Jurassic Park” Was Really Just About Butts

Steven Spielberg: Ass man.

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1. So, one day, this rich butt shows up out of the blue.

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2. And he invites paleontologist butt and paleobotanist butt to his ~fancy~ new dino park.

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3. The dino park, meanwhile, is being set up by these worker butts...

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4. ...and their boss, Australian butt.

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5. Then, shockingly, THIS poor butt gets killed by one of the dinos.

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6. Elsewhere, a secret meeting takes place as a local butt watches nearby.

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7. After arriving at the park, paleontologist butt nearly passes out when he actually sees a dino.

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8. Lawyer butt and Goldblum butt join the group, where they get a quick tour of the visitor's center.

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9. And then rich butt is like, "peace, I'm out, enjoy your tour."

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10. Which, of course, they don't because this goat butt is like, "LOL, no show today!"

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11. Then paleobotanist butt splits off to investigate what's wrong with this triceratops' butt.

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12. Later, some of the butts get into trouble when T-Rex butt shows up.

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13. But paleontologist butt saves them...

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14. ...WELL, except for lawyer butt (sorry, lawyer butt).

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15. And then these lucky butts narrowly escape a falling jeep.

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16. Meanwhile, bad guy butt gets killed off by another dinosaur.

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17. Eventually, this butt figures out how to get the park back on line.

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18. And these butts get to enjoy watching some dinosaurs run...

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19. ...and then enjoy running away from them.

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20. Elsewhere, paleobotanist butt runs off to fix the power...

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21. ...and then finally makes it back to the visitor's center to warn the others.

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22. The butts all get into trouble again when some velociraptors show up...

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23. ...but it all turns out okay in the end because good ol' T-Rex butt shows up again, this time to literally save their asses.

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