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If McDonald's Made Happy Meal Toys For Thirtysomethings

Not really lovin' it, but trying.

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1. A "Best of Napa Valley" four pack:

One for now, the rest for five minutes from now.
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

One for now, the rest for five minutes from now.

2. An app that translates whatever the hell it is kids are saying today:

Obviously with (very necessary) automatic hourly updates.
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

Obviously with (very necessary) automatic hourly updates.

3. A blow up doll to "ooh and aah" at baby showers in your place while you sneak out the back door:

No melted chocolate bars in diapers for you.
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

No melted chocolate bars in diapers for you.

4. A special nostalgia edition with a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper:

"This is what mommy coveted when she was your age."
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

"This is what mommy coveted when she was your age."

5. A "sorry I can't make it to your dinner party" starter kit:

So you can send your friends "visual evidence" of why you can't make it out tonight.
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

So you can send your friends "visual evidence" of why you can't make it out tonight.

6. A set of keys to that three bedroom you've been obsessing over for weeks:

Downpayment included!
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

Downpayment included!

7. A cutout mask of your 21-year-old self to slap on whenever you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while:

"I had bangs once... SEE?!"
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

"I had bangs once... SEE?!"

8. A fake ID that says you're still 29:

Good for at least the next decade.
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

Good for at least the next decade.

9. And finally, the world's most perfect pillow:

Because you more than deserve a nap that actually leaves you rested.
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed

Because you more than deserve a nap that actually leaves you rested.

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