1. A "Best of Napa Valley" four pack: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed One for now, the rest for five minutes from now. 2. An app that translates whatever the hell it is kids are saying today: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed Obviously with (very necessary) automatic hourly updates. 3. A blow up doll to "ooh and aah" at baby showers in your place while you sneak out the back door: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed No melted chocolate bars in diapers for you. 4. A special nostalgia edition with a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed "This is what mommy coveted when she was your age." 5. A "sorry I can't make it to your dinner party" starter kit: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed So you can send your friends "visual evidence" of why you can't make it out tonight. 6. A set of keys to that three bedroom you've been obsessing over for weeks: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed Downpayment included! 7. A cutout mask of your 21-year-old self to slap on whenever you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed "I had bangs once... SEE?!" 8. A fake ID that says you're still 29: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed Good for at least the next decade. 9. And finally, the world's most perfect pillow: Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed Because you more than deserve a nap that actually leaves you rested.