49 Thoughts I Had Watching "Christopher Robin"
So much crying.
**Mild spoiler alert, I guess**
1. Aaaand I'm already crying.
2. Wow, I know it's like 1910 or whatever, but WTF is Christopher Robin wearing?
3. Seriously, it looks like a patient gown?
4. WOW, the Hundred Acre Wood characters all look so beautiful.
5. Okay, this is actually, like, the saddest party ever.
6. "What should happen if you forget about me?!" OOOOMG. Why did no one warn me this was going to be SUCH a sad movie?!
7. *Tearing up* is someone cutting onions in here?!
8. Montage tiiiiiime!
9. This boarding school looks like Batman's house...but, like, minus all the fun.
10. Worst. School. Ever.
11. Oh, haiiiiii, Ewan McGregor.
12. Death. War. Sadness!! This IS a Disney film, right?
13. Every time I see Hayley Atwell, all I can think of is her saying, "I think it works!" to Captain America.
14. Ooh, it's Mycroft from Sherlock! Now, I wish Sherlock Holmes would randomly show up and solve the mystery of why this movie is SO sad?!
15. Luggage salesman seems like an interesting choice of career, like a weird-interesting choice.
16. Wow, Christopher Robin has really turned into a jerk.
17. OMG, I can't stop feeling sad every time I see Winnie the Pooh! WHY WOULD YOU ABANDON HIM CHRISTOPHER?! WHYYYYY?!
18. HARD relating to Pooh being tired and just passing out on a random bench.
19. Aaaaaaand also hard relating to him eating and passing out on the sofa. (Is this just a movie about my life?!)
20. LOL, I could watch an entire movie of Ewan McGregor carrying a talking bear through London.
21. This train station is giving me severe secondhand anxiety.
22. Also, does the station agent not question why the balloon "walked" away?!
23. For real, though, who takes someone else's Teddy Bear?
24. Also, was Pooh, like, low-key trying to run away? LOL.
25. HIS BALLOON. GET HIS BALLOON.
26. Going to play this game the next time I'm on a train, too.
27. HOW DARE YOU SEND POOH BACK TO HUNDRED ACRE WOOD ALONE!
28. Oh, good, he's going, too.
29. Aaaaand Christopher Robin's rude meter just went up 10,000%.
30. Okay, I get this is a magical place and all, but I feel like if you passed out in a ditch and it filled with water you'd just drown?
31. EEYORE MY LOVE.
32. Also, OMG, is that Brad Garrett's voice? (Spoiler: yes, it is.)
33. Not to complain, but I'm gonna complain — why do Rabbit and Owl look like ~real~ animals, but the rest of the gang look like cute stuffed animals?
34. LOL, Christopher Robin all like, "fuck it," and playing pretend. Yass, Christopher, Yassssss.
35. There's a lot of eating and falling asleep happening in this movie.
36. Wow, okay, bye Christopher? See you...whenever, I guess?
37. Oh, shit, Hayley Atwell is all like, "Bye, bitch."
38. Poor Rabbit, Owl, Kanga, and Roo don't get to go on the adventure.
39. Okay, and how cute is it that Madeleine is wearing a Christopher Robin-esque outfit with the little brown shoes and shorts?
40. Hehe, "LOHN-DOHN."
41. Glad to see people are cool with a child just running around loose without their parent through London. Cool, cool.
42. Did I just see a lady walking a Dalmatian, is this a Disney EASTER EGG?!
43. I know Giles is a douche, but like, how dumb do you have to be to bring your golf clubs into work?!
44. I love that everyone keeps screaming when the animals talk to them, 'cause I'm pretty sure I'd actually be very excited?
45. Oooh, Gareth from The Office! Glad to see he's still working.
46. I know this is a movie, but I love the convenience of like running into the EXACT people you're looking for in a city as big as London.
47. Heck yeah paid vacations! I'm all for doing nothing, ya know.
48 OMG, THEY HAVE MATCHING SWEATERS. Christopher and Pooh have matching sweaters! *Sniffling* Again with the onions...
49. I wonder if Christopher Robin will finally teach Pooh how to properly spell "hunny" now that he's an adult? (Probably not.)