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17 Funny Vagina Tweets That You're Not Allowed To Read Unless You Have A Vagina

"My vagina probably thinks I passed away."

1. This one about an inspiring message:

My 4-yr old just fell off her bike and said, “I fell and it hurt my vagina, but I got right back up.” New motto to live by, ladies.

2. This one about a lack of trust:

I haven’t seen my vagina in a month. My bf says she’s doing good but what the hell do he know.

3. This one about attention-seeking:

Me: Alone at last!! No one demanding my attention. My Vagina: *Ahem* Me: Really? That’s the second time today. Fine.

4. This one about how pretty they can be on their own:

I haven’t been touched in so long my vagina is now purely decorative

5. This one about a lack of ~action~:

My vagina probably thinks I passed away.

6. This one about periods:

None of the fellas from the 🏀 pickup game today knew I was gushing blood from my vagina the whole time. Which I think possibly makes me a goddamn a hero?

7. This one about design flaws:

A swimming costume that didn’t show half my vagina.

8. This one about an ~alternative~ Plan B (or C?):

Got pregnant, so I put my vagina in some rice.

9. This one about underwhelming reality:

i cannot imagine the agony of pushing someone out of my vagina only for them to give me a mug and a box of chocolates 20 years later

10. This one about trying to make OB-GYN visits more entertaining:

Gynecologist: Ok Kelley, if you’ll just slide all the way down on the table. My vagina: Oh great, this asshole again? Gyno: Me: Gyno: Me: Gyno: Kelley, for the last time stop making your vagina talk. It makes me uncomfortable. My vagina: Shut up, pussy.

11. This one about 100% not caring:

We are fine with roomy vaginas so it’s okay.

12. This one about catchy phrases:

13. This one about a vagina analogy:

My vagina is like my body's draft folder. I don't really use it enough and I'm often confused about why I put something in there.

14. This one about a goofy nickname:

I call my vagina Vagyver because it can fix just about anything. THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING ME.

15. And this one, too:

16. And ALSO this one:

So if I put sprinkles on my vagina that clit bait?

17. And finally, this one about being mortally offended:

I once accidentally sent a photo of my vagina to my son's guidance counselor and she emailed me saying she had received a "very disturbing image" from me and I'm still waiting for an apology.