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How To Get Romantically Laid Off

Romantically Laid Off - when you are dumped due to unforeseen circumstances. You weren't "let go" because of poor performance, the company simply cannot accommodate you anymore.

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2) PBP - Pyscho Breath Panic

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Some call it hyperventilating but PBP is much more accurate.

Now is the time to mourn over all the coupley Instagram pictures you'll have to delete and all the effort you're going to have to put into your social life.

3) Bummed Out

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A lot of staring into space with dried snot all over. Like, all over...and you have no idea how it got there.

Note: a side effect of PBP is that you black out and grow 5 new mucus membranes

4) Sudden Belief in Fate

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"Wayeeeeeet. I wasn't really into it, was I? No...nah..no I totally wasn't. They were not great wait yeah I can do better. Plus like, whatever shit happens, right? The universe has spoken, it wasn't meant to be. Plus now my sinuses are totally cleaned out. Win win. Right? Yeah it's not my fault. It's just what's meant to be"

5) Relief

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Part I: Buy a neuralizer to forget steps 1 and 2.

Part II: Okay, hunty. Listen to this. You aren't the "bad guy", you never have to see them AGAIN, and you get to have sex with more people!

Good? Lets get some margaritas in our bellies and celebrate.

6) Your Severance Package

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After getting romantically laid off, you are entitled to a severance package! This entails an allotted time to "heal" which means you can drink wine, eat gushers, and smoke a fuck ton of weed without judgment.

Depending on how much dignity you lost, your severance package will include access to your friend's HBOGo account.

7) Just Fine

View this video on YouTube

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Remember that "YOU'RE AWESOME" playlist you made to help get you through the Breaking Bad series finale? Well crank the tunes, pull out your hooded sweater dress and get your Mary J Blige on.

Rinse and repeat steps 6 and 7 until your MJB sweater dress needs to be washed.

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