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The Ten Commandments Of Oxford Street

London's Oxford Street can be a confusing and disorientating experience for newcomers. Never fear - now with this handy guide you can fit right in to the masses that "populate" this entertaining rat race.

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1. Thou shalt crowd excitedly around the mysterious yet quietly sinister Free Perfume man and never question his business technique or motives.


2. Thou shalt not take any heed of pedestrian crossing signals and cross the road whenever thou feels like – particularly when a taxi is likely to turn you into raspberry jam.

That's what brakes are for!

That's what brakes are for!

3. Thou shalt buy as much British/London Olympics tat as one can cram into their questionable “I LOVE LODON” tote bag.

Our greatest team, for 99p.

Our greatest team, for 99p.

4. Thou shalt walk the pace of the common garden snail and stop frequently in front of people with a purpose in life.

5. Thou shalt NEVER veer into the many enticing side streets but stay near the safety of Pret, Subway and Starbucks.

Soho? What’s that?

6. Thou shalt take pictures of increasingly meaningless things with an I Pad and/or generic tablet.

This is still a compact device.

This is still a compact device.

7. Thou shalt devastatingly malfunction if thou crosses the invisible line that separates the rest of London from the length of road between Selfridges and Primark.


8. Thou shalt stand in front of every tube exit or entrance possible whilst maintaining an air of innocence/deep confusion.

What do you mean the signage is confusing?

What do you mean the signage is confusing?

9. Thou shalt stand in front of a street map for hours and never acknowledge anyone else who also wants to look at said street map.

10. Thou shalt end thy day carrying at least six large box shaped shopping bags, satisfied that thou has experienced the real London.


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