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    Listen Up, Canada, We Need To Talk About Donairs

    There are some straight up donair crimes being committed and it needs to stop.

    Hi folks! Like all Nova Scotians, I was baptized in donair sauce at the age of seven and still practice my meat shaving skills daily. Donairs are serious business for Nova Scotians. They're in our blood as much as they fill our bellies. Lookie here:

    Andrew Vaughan / THE CANADIAN PRESS

    Right now, the donair is having a moment. Here's what I mean: King of Donair, an iconic Halifax donair chain, announced it would have two pop-up shops in Alberta this month. They did the first one in Calgary and 400 people lined up. FOUR HUNDRED.

    King of Donair's overwhelming Calgary debut scares Banff into cancelling pop-up

    It was so popular the Banff pop-up had to be cancelled because of concerns related to crowd control.

    This comes on the heels of more and more places opening up in other parts of Canada promising "Nova Scotian" or "East Coast Style" or "Halifax Donairs." / Via, The Fuzz Box / Via Facebook: TheFUzzBox

    This actually started back in the early 80s when Maritimers headed west to work in the oil fields, and the donair began to follow to Edmonton, Fort McMurray and other places.

    Decades later, the donair is becoming something for all of Canada, which is great! But it also means places like the Food Network are massacring its essence in a bid to make it more accessible to people:

    Meeeeeeeee / Via Twitter: @CraigSilverman

    There is no such thing as a "Nova Scotia-Inspired Donair Kebab."

    Lots of people objected. I mean, look at this thing:

    Twitter / Via Twitter: @seanvernon

    People in Halifax had a field day with it:

    Twitter / Via Twitter: @HalifaxReTales

    As the donair gets more popular, there is some serious bullshit happening.

    If you say you make a 'real Halifax donair' you shouldn't have sauce that is mayo and sugar. #HaligonianPeopleProblems

    Oh look, here's a healthy, homemade take on the donair with what appears to be feta cheese and some nice fresh veggies on top. IT'S AN ABOMINATION.

    Sorry. I know we Nova Scotians get really heated when people fuck with the donair. We seem a bit crazy. But we have our reasons, so let me try and explain.

    Nova Scotia is a place where more people are dying than being born, and the only province to recently experience negative population growth, according to Statistics Canada. (I'm one of those folks that moved away.)

    In a place where you feel hard pressed to name the boom times, you take pride in the things you build. You stick up for what's yours.

    The donair is ours.

    It's a sweet, spicy, greasy mixture that was created specifically for Nova Scotians. In order to eat one you have to give up all pretensions and just give'r. It's incredibly adffordable, and it always leaves you feeling full.

    Donairs I Have Known / Via Facebook: DonairsIHaveKnown

    It's perfect when you're happy, drunk, hungover, in a hurry, or when you had a shit day.

    The donair is something you can count on.

    It inspires a lot of passion.

    One time when I was drunk I left an uneaten donair in a cab so I called every cab company at 3AM asking if they had found my missing donair

    Halifax city council recently voted to make it the city's official food. And here's how the mayor celebrates Christmas:

    Twitter / Via Twitter: @MikeSavageHFX

    Look at these beautiful people:

    Tbt to all of the Halloween Donairs last year πŸ‘‘πŸŽƒ #kingofdonair #canadasoriginal #officialfood #donair #halifax

    "Get me a donair and a bottle of wine and then leave me alone" mom knows what's up

    God love ya, mom.

    So if you're going to call it a donair, do it right. "A donair has four basic elements: donair meat, sauce, bread and toppings," says Neil MacFarlane of Donairs I Have Known. "Anything purporting to be a donair that doesn't have these attributes is a fraud."

    Neil MacFarlane

    He has eaten and reviewed donairs all over the city. And he's seen what people in other provinces are starting to call a "donair."

    "I've seen people put cheese, pepperoni, lettuce, green peppers and even pineapples on their donairs," he says. "These people are lunatics and their opinions do not reflect those of us on the East Coast."

    Out west, there are some straight up donair crimes being committed. This is hard for us to take.

    When friends hear someone trying to tell me how great lettuce is on a Donair.

    Here are the acceptable donair toppings: onions and tomatoes.

    And the sauce has to be sweet.

    Simplicity is part of the donair's beauty.

    This is a "donair" from a place called Donair Dude in Vancouver and honestly I don't know where to start with this thing. Get it away from me.

    Trip Advisor / Via

    To be clear, we're OK with donair experimentation. This chain in Halifax offered a donair breakfast sandwich which, in fairness, looks disgusting AF. But it's a separate product β€” they didn't try to put egg in the pita with the donair, knowimsayn?

    Seriously!?! The @RobinsDonutsCAN #donair breakfast sandwich!?! Ok, maybe on Sunday mornings. Maybe.

    We desperately want our fellow Canadians to enjoy the donair, to experience the glorious moment when sauce runs down your chin and the whole thing feels like it's about to fall apart in your hands.

    Andrew Vaughan / THE CANADIAN PRESS

    We just want you to experience and appreciate it in its purest form. And when you do, you'll understand a bit more about us, and beautiful things will happen.

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