1. This is Joaquin Phoenix.
2. He clearly comes from a flawless gene pool of rugged handsomeness and free-spirited glory.
3. Yeah, yer welcome.
4. But now to the acting.
5. He manages to be a character actor in leading man roles and it is always magnificent.
6. And he's a goddamn scene stealer. 'The Master' is his movie, sorry PSH.
7. Just look at how in character he is, down to the little gestures.
8. He's definitely the only thing you could tolerate in 'Gladiator.'
9. Werk that leaf crown.
10. Well, actually, of course you liked this too.
11. Don't forget about 'Quills!'
12. I mean, if I had a dollar...
13. You were a little worried when he took on the iconic role of Johnny Cash...
14. And then you were like 'holy crap this is amazing.'
15. Then there was the masterpiece 'I'm Still Here.' Real breakdown? Mocumentary? We were all so happily confused.
16. Like, he became your forever life hero. Move over Kanye.
17. This photo from heaven happened during that time period.
18. He made 'Two Lovers' during this odd yet wonderous time in his career, a film that confused the shit out of me but resulted in amazing scenes from JP like this one.
19. He was NOT to be stopped on talk shows. SPIRIT.
20. Don't even get me started on 'Her.'
21. Because it's a goddamn revelation.
22. He's going to be in a PT Anderson adaptation of Thomas Pynchon's 'Inherent Vice.' Sorry, I died, brb.
23. He doesn't hurt to look at, either.
24. He also always asks the important questions.
25. Man gives zero fucks at awards shows because he is so obviously above them but generous enough to bless us with his reactions while attending.
26. People that aren't me liked 'Signs,' right? Right?
27. So, even though he in no way cares, can someone please give this man an Oscar?!
28. The end.
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