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14 Texts You Should Never Send To Your Crush

Let Cornetto show you what went wrong. But first, just put the phone down, man.

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You: "Yes, they will definitely appreciate this clipped style – like I'm Hemingway, or whatever. Surly, maybe. Brooding. Mysterious."

Them: "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Where did that come from? A full-stop? What did I do to offend you this much?"


You have just committed the ultimate text sin. For shame. Now not only do they think you're a crappy drunk, but they also think you don't fancy them. Probably best to just delete their number right now.


Are you five? You're allowed one emoticon per every three hours. That's eight emoticons a day. Even that is extremely generous. Best to scale back, mate – you're trying a little too hard. You're coming across a little like an extremely pumped children's television presenter.

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