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    10 Vintage Phallic Ads

    Sometimes, a cigar was just a cigar. And sometimes, it wasn't.


    It's a Dicknic!

    Take a good look at the ad. The foreground woman has one penis-y bottle in her hands while being force-fed a dog. Background woman is showing Chip how much of his dog she can fit in her maw at once. I don’t know about the sexual orientation of the fifth-wheel dude, but he’s making damn sure we notice the bananas. Then, there are the extra dogs, the knives, the shirt stripes — even the pattern on the basket looks like erect penises.


    Is that Thrush header muffler a phallic symbol? (Yes.) Is that the Grim Reapress? (I don't know.) And is the Donny Osmond doppelgänger wearing a flame-retardant drag racing suit or some terrible '70s outfit? (I don't know.)


    Ah, 70s men's fashion.

    That piece of wood could be thicker.

    Read the copy for a good guffaw.


    Sometimes, a wine sack is a sack.

    Let me squeeze it for you, babe.

    Texas International airlines is no longer around.


    She's holding a phallic symbol, two oranges, and a carton of white fluid.

    Any questions?



    Lipstick by Freud.


    You may sniff my pipe, doll.


    Where there's smoke, there's penis.


    Well, just the tip.


    My GOD.

    To this day, I do not believe that this is a real ad.

    But, I also am not 100% sure.

    Related: here are 13 modern phallic ads.

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