1. Unless it’s sex stories. Please share those.
2. Wait, does he have a date with twins? HOTT.
3. Well, yeah, don’t caress his ear hairs.
4. ONLY BORING WOMEN ARE EVER BORED.
5. Hey pal, tell your drunk as a skunk date to stop scratching my head.
6. Men don’t have “tears,” we call them eye sweat.
7. Pro tip, ladies: talk about sports, guns, and blowjobs.
8. Only carry gold monogrammed handkerchiefs — problem solved.
9. “Be ready to go when your date arrives” — LOL, never, amirite, gents?
- The election is really, really over now: Jill Stein has dropped her Pennsylvania recount request, making Donald Trump the absolute winner.
- At least 9 are dead and 25 missing after a warehouse party fire in Oakland, CA. Dozens of fatalities are feared.
- Cuba prepares to bury Fidel Castro: his ashes arrived in Santiago Saturday, the city where he declared his socialist revolution victorious.
- This 23--year-old got her lost driver's license back in the mail along with a hilarious thank you note 📝😂