17 Insane Things Students Have Done To Skip Class
"I flushed my jewelry down the toilet and the whole school shut down for a week."
1. This extreme dental dedication:
"In fourth grade, I pulled out four of my loose teeth, one by one, just to get out of class."
2. This artistic achievement:
"I was an art major in college. Once, I was painting a red delicious apple and the colors matched blood perfectly. I used my pallet knife to make it look like I got a nasty gash on my arm, and since I already had paint all over my hands, it looked quite convincing. I went to my next class and was excused, no questions asked."
3. This divine intervention:
"I went to a private evangelical Christian school where we had chapel once a day. In the fourth grade, I faked speaking in tongues to get out of class and it worked. Two days in a row."
4. This level of commitment:
"I tried to get sick the night before a big test by licking all the door knobs in my house. That didn't work so I proceeded to drink coffee with salt. It was gross but it worked."
5. This horrifying use of a pencil:
"Not me, but a kid behind me in Spanish class broke his pencil in half and stabbed his lip to get out of class."
6. This period power play:
"I started telling my teacher I was having "girl problems" and needed to be excused — every single day. He would get so uncomfortable and never once challenged me on it. I ended the semester with an A."
7. This literal cowboy:
"I volunteered to help chase cows out of the school parking lot. Welcome to Idaho."
8. This bloody lie:
"I faked getting my period. I went to the toilet and spilled a few drops of water on the back of my skirt, which was black, and the “stain” looked like it could be period blood. The teacher allowed me to leave for the day."
9. This fake (but still vile) vomit:
"In college I faked getting terrible food poisoning to get out of doing a presentation. It was a small class so the professor asked where I was and they explained I was sick. He didn’t buy it. So I quickly mixed together anything I could find in the kitchen and poured it all over my toilet. We’re talking eggs, hot sauce, pepper, salsa, etc. I sent it to them to prove I was actually sick. After my professor saw that nasty FAKE puke, he believed me and stopped questioning students that claim to be sick."
10. This goal-oriented student:
"I taught myself how to pass out so when it was time for a test that I didn’t study for I passed out."
11. This squeaky opportunist:
"Okay so I have very loud hiccups that sound like a mouse squeaking. When I was in high school my hiccups were considered a "distraction to the class" so they would just send me to the nurse to hiccup away. Being the opportunist that I am, I would fake them sometimes to get out of a class or even keep them up for a while so I could just get sent home."
12. This inventive new plumber:
"One time I flushed my jewelry down the toilet and the whole school was shut down for like a week cause I broke the plumbing."
13. This perfectly planned pee:
"To get out of a test, I peed my pants. It worked, too! The nurse thought I was sick, so my mom came to pick me up."
14. This amateur pest control operation:
"I lied and said there was a rabid squirrel in my basement and I had to go catch it."
15. This team effort:
"One time, I had my best friend call me pretending to be my sister-in-law going into labor, and I told the teacher I needed to go to the hospital with her immediately. The next day, I showed my teacher pictures of a random Facebook friend's baby."
16. This shampoo scheme:
"I once faked pink eye in high school so I could stay home. I woke up early and rubbed shampoo into my eye. Hurt like hell and was probably the stupidest thing I could've done but it worked. I got to take two days off because the school thought I was contagious."
17. And this shocking use of a stapler:
"When I was in the seventh grade, I remember this kid walking up to the teacher’s desk and using her stapler on his finger. Obviously it bled and he promptly said, “I need to see the nurse,” and walked out without saying anything else."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.