back to top

Here's Why 10 Of Your Favorite Hogwarts Professors Should Have Been Fired

"Tenure is, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic."

Posted on

Think about it: Almost everyone on the staff is malicious, unqualified, or bigoted.

But despite all of that, he was actually promoted! Twice!

Warner Bros.

Yeah, sure, he saved Harry's life several times. He helped take down Lord Voldemort. He ended up being a goddamn hero. But, like, consider the classroom culture he created. Not great!

2. Sybill Trelawney was more interested in describing the disturbing ways she expected her students to die than she was in actually teaching them anything.

Warner Bros.

Even Dumbledore calls her a fraud in Order of the Phoenix, saying, “She had not a trace of the gift herself. I told her that I did not think she would be suitable for the post.” So basically she was caught lying on her resume and still got the job? Cool.


4. We love Rubeus Hagrid, but he had a dangerous obsession with monsters. Seriously, even the textbook for his class was deadly!

Warner Bros.

Harry himself admits to liking their substitute teacher more in The Order of the Phoenix, saying, "Grubbly-Plank's idea of an interesting class was not one where there was a risk that somebody might have their head ripped off." We agree, Harry.

5. Okay, the real Mad-Eye Moody was never really their teacher, BUT HOW WAS THE IMPERSONATOR NOT FIRED?! He turned a student into a freakin’ ferret!


6. Gilderoy Lockhart was easily one of the most pathetic, cowardly, and incompetent teachers Hogwarts ever saw.

Warner Bros.

He was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and couldn't even get rid of Cornish Pixies.


8. Argus Filch may not have been a professor, but he was a torture-obsessed psycho who LITERALLY wanted to chain children from the ceiling.

Warner Bros.

Not only that but he was downright excited at the possibility of whipping Fred and George Weasley. "Approval for Whipping... Approval for Whipping... I can do it at last... They've had it coming to them for years." Like what?

9. Horace Slughorn used his job almost exclusively to win over well-connected students so he could get free shit from them after they graduated.

But has he ever heard of background checks? Performance reviews? Anything? Why did you hire this staff?


Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!