Here's Why 10 Of Your Favorite Hogwarts Professors Should Have Been Fired
"Tenure is, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic."
Let’s be real: You’ve always wanted to attend Hogwarts. Learning to do magic would be dope, right?
Wrong! Why, you ask? The staff is straight up riddikulus.
Think about it: Almost everyone on the staff is malicious, unqualified, or bigoted.
1. Take, for example, Severus Snape, who's literally the WORST. He was abusive AF and repeatedly threatened the lives of his students.
But despite all of that, he was actually promoted! Twice!
2. Sybill Trelawney was more interested in describing the disturbing ways she expected her students to die than she was in actually teaching them anything.
We all hate Umbridge, but she had the right idea firing Professor Trelawney.
3. Speaking of Dolores Umbridge, you bet your Longbottom she made this list. She beats children.
And she's literally a racist.
4. We love Rubeus Hagrid, but he had a dangerous obsession with monsters. Seriously, even the textbook for his class was deadly!
He's a great friend, but not a great teacher.
5. Okay, the real Mad-Eye Moody was never really their teacher, BUT HOW WAS THE IMPERSONATOR NOT FIRED?! He turned a student into a freakin’ ferret!
Oh, and he also showed kids a spell that's only used for killing people.
6. Gilderoy Lockhart was easily one of the most pathetic, cowardly, and incompetent teachers Hogwarts ever saw.
He's basically just a lying pretty boy who wrote a bunch of successful books.
7. Why in the bloody hell is Minerva McGonagall on this list? Because she spits fire like it's nobody's business.
She's one of our faves, but she's got one heck of a potter-mouth.
8. Argus Filch may not have been a professor, but he was a torture-obsessed psycho who LITERALLY wanted to chain children from the ceiling.
Why was this creep put around kids in the first place?
9. Horace Slughorn used his job almost exclusively to win over well-connected students so he could get free shit from them after they graduated.
He also told Voldemort about Horcruxes, so that doesn't help his case much.
10. Finally, no one will deny that Albus Dumbledore is a leader, a hero, and an exceptionally talented wizard.
But has he ever heard of background checks? Performance reviews? Anything? Why did you hire this staff?
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