back to top

"I Can't Take This Anymore": A Breakup Letter To Broadband Providers

There comes a point in any relationship where you have to say NO MORE. Try COMPETIFY and let the FCC know that you demand a fair broadband economy.

Posted on

Dearest Broadband,

It's come to this.

I really, really wanted things to work between us. Like, so badly!

Scream Queens / 20th Century Fox / Via 2009wasagoodyear.tumblr.com

But look, I’m feeling trapped. Just like 75% of Americans, if I want to have a relationship with the internet, I am forced to go out with you. That’s not intimacy — that’s entrapment.

Look, it’s not me. It’s you. It’s not enough to be all toxic with my emotions — my BFFs in rural areas have been abandoned. You have no incentive whatsoever to have a relationship with them, so they get nothing. Whyyyyyyy???!

Wet Hot American Summer / Eureka Pictures / Via thegifofthemagi.tumblr.com

I just want to reliably watch celebrity cooking shows on my computer without endless buffering!!!!!!!

BuzzFeed

And I know you can give me better speeds, prices, and access, but you just don’t want to. You have so much of the internet’s love to share, but you’re being selfish and greedy! And you ignore my NEEDS!!!

Via thewhiteisblack.tumblr.com

Walt Disney Studios

With just a few of you controlling the $40 billion high-capacity broadband marketplace, I feel, well, bullied. Navigating this dance of love is just making me sad.

You’ve gobbled up most of the competition, and now you have no incentive to set prices fairly. Broadband, I’m sorry, but you’re fat.

You and your big fat friends are responsible for overcharging us more than $10 billion a year. Ten. Billion. Dollars.

BuzzFeed

Should I take some responsibility for this push-pull relationship? No. No. Just…NO.

BuzzFeed

I am a social being, and you’re stifling my spirit. Your abusive business practices don’t just hurt my personal computing, they also mess up my text messaging, internet TV, and ATMs, and you just kill the vibe for all of my favorite local businesses.

Real Housewives of Atlanta / Bravo / Via realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Everything feels meaningless now. I'm floating in a sea of endless despair.

We're done.

But wait, there’s hope! The FCC can help us, and the other 75% of consumers and businesses like me, find a way back from this dysfunctional relationship and set our broadband economy free. Please stop the suffering and tell the FCC to try COMPETIFY today!

All facts via COMPETIFY.