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She's A Goddamn Shark

The Bachelor Season 21 Episode 1 Recap

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It's the most wonderful time of the year! The time we all come together to watch a grown man date thirty women for two months before proposing to one of them. Relatable AND romantic.

This year our man of the hour is "controversial fan favorite" Nick Viall. Fourth time's the charm? I had forgotten just how much Nick has transformed since his first appearance on the Bachelor franchise. Seriously not confident I could pick this guy out of a line up had I blacked out between Andi Dorfman's season and now. All I know is I'm considering it a personal victory he ditched the Forever 21 scarves.


The chosen few women to have a video package shown *cough* standouts and villains *cough* come next. Let's be real all I care about here is that one producer got a huge raise for finding 24 year old Corinne who still has a nanny. Props.


We also find out that contestant Liz slept with Nick at Jade and Tanner's wedding.

Are we sure Jade and Tanner don't get a cut of whatever she makes on Instagram post Bachelor and put her up to this? They're big on that Fit Tea life. Either way we got to see some video footage of Nick drunk dancing and I was reminded Ben Z exists so, here for it.


The women begin to arrive in limos and all insist they were hoping it would be Nick even though half of them are from southern states and were clearly chosen when ABC still thought Luke was the Bachelor.


Danielle M. brought Nick some homemade maple syrup. He tells her he makes a great french toast. So does she and she seems to think this is an amazing coincidence.

"Oh my god! You can dip bread in eggs too? FATE."


Look girls showed up with Neil Lane and a camel, but the highlight of the arrivals was clearly Liz. Watching Nick's face as he ran through his mental file cabinet of one night stands was gold. Not to mention her voiceover saying she liked that he didn't remember her. That it was mysterious.

Yes, the idea of being so forgettable is a fairy tale. A dream come true. I shall read your voiceover to my children in place of bed time classics one day Liz.


Nick joins the women and gives them a speech about wanting them to feel empowered during their time with him. He says he has a lot of memories here (except you Liz) and they all toast to the journey ahead.

Rachel is smart and normal and I selfishly don't want her to win so she can be our next Bachelorette. Not sorry. Also disclaimer I went to Marquette so Ring Out Ahoya.


Corinne gives Nick a sack of tokens with a dollar sign on it and I'm genuinely waiting for her to realize her dad has just had her playing online Monopoly while telling her she's running his business. Alas they are for "whatever he wants." Bummer.


Vanessa needs to be mentioned just because she is clearly going to be a frontrunner. She can "feel the chemistry." She gets a lot of confessional time on camera. She has a lot of voiceovers for someone who is normal and not being played as the villain. Girlfriend is in it for the long haul.


At some point Nick realizes he's only talked to ten girls and everyone is getting anxious. We get some tears and a whole lot of "Can I steal you?" Some of the women simply stand in the shadows waiting like something out of an M. Night Shyamalan film. They should seriously consider giving the girls deli style take a number tickets.


Nick and Liz finally chat and as it turns out he does remember her. He brings up the "right reasons" line that has become so popular in the franchise. Seeing as she could have gotten his number easily through Jade had she felt a connection, Nick is a bit thrown by her appearing nine months later on TV. Liz says, and I quote, "I didn't want you to think I was here because you're the bachelor."

ABC / Via

....k? So you ARE just here because it's on national television? Cool, cool thanks for clearing that up!

There are snippets of Nick talking to the rest of the women and then *drumroll please* he grabs the first impression rose. Everyone is on high alert.

Corinne in particular is thinking she should get it because she made out with Nick super inorganically and DIDN'T EVEN CHARGE HIM A TOKEN. So selfless.

Nick gives the first impression rose to Rachel and proves he might really want a mature relationship and not just a fifth chance at this show.

She happens to be the first black woman to get the first impression rose. A stat that seems unconscionable for a show that is on it's 21st season. That's one small step for Rachel, one giant leap for mankind/Bachelor Nation.

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