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1. A pack of bedsheet suspenders (grippers that keep your linens from slipping off the mattress) that'd leave Larry King utterly shook.
2. A sheet of stick-on sound dampeners so you don't have to worry about being woken up by your roommates scouring the cabinets for a midnight snack.
3. A fast-acting mold and mildew remover gel to give your tiles, grout, sealant, bath, sinks, and shower that brand-new sparkle.
4. A loud-as-hell doorstop alarm that'll sound when pressure is applied on the door so you (and your neighbors) can always stay alert.
5. A set of packing cubes to keep the outfits you plan on wearing on vacation securely grouped together.
6. A carpet spot remover so you can finally discard that oddly placed welcome mat you've been using to strategically cover up stains.
7. A cold-brew maker so you'll finally stop overspending at Starbucks on bevs you're perfectly capable of whipping up at home.
8. A disgustingly satisfying drain-cleaning tool to avoid the shame of calling in your landlord.
9. A double-ended electronics cleaning brush so your coveted camera can have a long, healthy life.
10. A pack of energizing mints that won't require any prep time (like coffee); pop one of these bad boys in your mouth and you'll have all the B12 (energy) and minty breath to conquer the rest of your workload.
11. A gel-enhanced seat cushion to give you the proper back support you need so that nothing — certainly not tailbone pain — can take your eyes off the prize.
12. A monitor document clip so you can have an in-your-face reminder of the work you need to get done.
13. A pack of super-effective earplugs for those mornings when the garbage truck swings by your window 30 minutes before you planned on getting out of bed.
14. Or a shower curtain liner with pockets, because who are you kidding? Every inch of storage space matters in your tiny-ass bathroom.
15. An easy-to-use clothing folding board if you watched the entirety of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo and thought, Wait, I got the 'spark joy' part, but how did she just fold that?
16. A two-stage knife sharpener so you don't have to deal with dull blades (and a lousy mincing job as a result).
17. A John Frieda hot brush if you simply can't afford to get a blowout every week.
18. A pack of stick-anywhere motion-sensor night-lights so you can grab an item out of the medicine cabinet in the middle of the night without waking everyone up with a sudden burst of light.
19. A trusty washing machine cleaner for zapping the musty, unappealing odors that accumulate over time.
20. A pack of acne patches that'll work to minimize inflammation and redness with lightning speed.
21. A tangle-free cord organizer, if you're starting to feel like you're wasting away your life painstakingly unknotting electronics.
22. A pack of dishwasher cleaning tablets that'll clean better than bleach.
23. A "things to do around the house" pad because there are bound to be days when your list of chores feels unmanageable.
24. A two-tiered shelf organizer that won't cut any corners in the looks department.
25. A hanging cotton canvas laundry bag you actually won't mind leaving out.
26. A beautiful bamboo cutting board and seven color-coded mats you'll be relieved to discover are very easy to clean.
27. A pair of handheld scrapers to restore your trusty cast-iron pan and avoid getting surprise bites of burned residue in your stir-fry.
Some reviews in this post have been edited for length and/or clarity.