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19 Gifts The Most Pretentious Person You Know Will Love

[Ryan Gosling explaining jazz music in La La Land voice] They're very, very exciting!

Originally posted on
Updated on

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1. A book of New York Times crossword puzzles, but, like, only from the hardest day of the week, which *technically* is the only day that matters.

"No, despite popular belief, Sunday isn't actually the hardest day." —your friendGet it from Amazon for $9.48, Barnes & Noble for $11.38, or a local bookseller through Indiebound.
amazon.com

"No, despite popular belief, Sunday isn't actually the hardest day." —your friend

Get it from Amazon for $9.48, Barnes & Noble for $11.38, or a local bookseller through Indiebound.

2. Temporary literary tattoos — which reminds me, you don't actually still like Catcher in the Rye, do you?

Get them from Amazon for $11.01, Barnes & Noble for $12.95, or a local bookseller through Indiebound.
amazon.com

Get them from Amazon for $11.01, Barnes & Noble for $12.95, or a local bookseller through Indiebound.

3. A T-shirt that understands their very refined palate for drama.

Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in men, women, and youth in sizes S-3XL).
amazon.com

Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in men, women, and youth in sizes S-3XL).

4. A kombucha brewing kit, so they can shake their head at the dummies at Whole Foods buying the stuff for $7 a bottle.

Read our full review of the kit here.Promising review: "I've been wanting to try my hand at making kombucha for a few years now but was afraid of making it wrong and becoming deathly ill. Also, I admit, the scoby kind of freaked me out. One of the blogs I follow recently reviewed this kit and I decided to go for it (and besides, paying per bottle at the store was getting ridiculous). I am so happy I bought this kit! I'm currently brewing my second batch as my first batch came out awesome! I made a ginger/orange flavor and a strawberry/lemonade flavor from that first batch and they taste even better than what I can buy at the store. And no more fear of the scoby! I actually enjoy looking at it daily to see what new changes have occurred overnight. I think its safe to say I will never buy store bought kombucha again!" —ChefleneGet it from Amazon for $46.95.
amazon.com

Read our full review of the kit here.

Promising review: "I've been wanting to try my hand at making kombucha for a few years now but was afraid of making it wrong and becoming deathly ill. Also, I admit, the scoby kind of freaked me out. One of the blogs I follow recently reviewed this kit and I decided to go for it (and besides, paying per bottle at the store was getting ridiculous). I am so happy I bought this kit! I'm currently brewing my second batch as my first batch came out awesome! I made a ginger/orange flavor and a strawberry/lemonade flavor from that first batch and they taste even better than what I can buy at the store. And no more fear of the scoby! I actually enjoy looking at it daily to see what new changes have occurred overnight. I think its safe to say I will never buy store bought kombucha again!" —Cheflene

Get it from Amazon for $46.95.

5. A decanter that'll give them so many more opportunities to performatively swirl and sniff their glasses for guests.

Promising review: "The Le Chateau Decanter offers three key aspects for wine decanting: 1) A wide-angled mouth for easy pouring, both into, and out of. 2) A big bowl for the wine to swirl and air out. 3) Lead-free, crystal glass, which is essential to the health of the wine. I will be purchasing this decanter for many people on my Christmas list this year. I look forward to pouring many more bottles with my new decanter." —BigBGet it from Amazon for $42.95.
amazon.com

Promising review: "The Le Chateau Decanter offers three key aspects for wine decanting: 1) A wide-angled mouth for easy pouring, both into, and out of. 2) A big bowl for the wine to swirl and air out. 3) Lead-free, crystal glass, which is essential to the health of the wine. I will be purchasing this decanter for many people on my Christmas list this year. I look forward to pouring many more bottles with my new decanter." —BigB

Get it from Amazon for $42.95.

6. A personalized embosser, so the next time they lend out their books (probs STAT because their curation is in HIGH demand) everyone can see their crisp, legendary name.

Get it from Horchow for $26.
horchow.com

Get it from Horchow for $26.

7. A Tesla Motors beanie because when Elon Musk asked for dank memes...they felt that.

Get it from Amazon for $24.99.
amazon.com

Get it from Amazon for $24.99.

8. An enamel pin with the name of their lord and savior on it.

Promising review: I recently moved to Seattle to start a new job at my radio show, where I have given up Doctor to patient psychology in exchange for helping listeners over the phone, live on radio. Sadly, and annoyingly, my father is struggling to recuperate after a gun blast to the hip. He’s an ex cop, it wasn’t me. He’s moved in with me, along with his blasted chair and infernal mutt ‘Eddie’. As a bonus we also now have a live-in healthcare worker, who has taken a live-in position in my study. I have no personal space anymore. I purchased this badge of my name to cheer me up and i most say, it has worked a TREAT. Must go, I have THREE dates tonight." —Josh Weller Get it from TheSilverSpider on Etsy for $10.
etsy.com

Promising review: I recently moved to Seattle to start a new job at my radio show, where I have given up Doctor to patient psychology in exchange for helping listeners over the phone, live on radio. Sadly, and annoyingly, my father is struggling to recuperate after a gun blast to the hip. He’s an ex cop, it wasn’t me. He’s moved in with me, along with his blasted chair and infernal mutt ‘Eddie’. As a bonus we also now have a live-in healthcare worker, who has taken a live-in position in my study. I have no personal space anymore. I purchased this badge of my name to cheer me up and i most say, it has worked a TREAT. Must go, I have THREE dates tonight." —Josh Weller

Get it from TheSilverSpider on Etsy for $10.

9. A resin Greek bust so they can indulge in 2018's hottest (read: most inexplicable) decorating trend while tangentially reminding you that they aced all their Iliad papers in high school.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising review: "I use this to hold my Oculus Rift. It works perfectly. Looks great." —Drew

Get it from Amazon for $44.99.

10. A pair of Bowers & Wilkins PX headphones because [clears throat] technically speaking, the sound on these cans are better than the Bose QuietComforts.

Promising review: "First of all, I'm a headphone collector. I have multiple high-end examples of open backs, closed backs, several DAC & amp setups and wireless headphones. Note that I have the well-regarded Sony 1000x wireless ANC headphones sitting right here to compare with the PX. The PX were designed to sound their best with the ANC off. I have to say they sound wonderful with ANC off. They are possibly the BEST sounding wireless headphones on the market. They also have very strong isolation, naturally with their closed-back design and tightly sealing leather ear cups. If your priority is music sound quality in wireless headphones for home, office, library, while also occasionally needing ANC, BUY THESE." —JeffGet it from Amazon for $392.73+ (available in space gray and gold).And check out our picks for the best over-ear bluetooth headphones on BuzzFeed Reviews.
amazon.com

Promising review: "First of all, I'm a headphone collector. I have multiple high-end examples of open backs, closed backs, several DAC & amp setups and wireless headphones. Note that I have the well-regarded Sony 1000x wireless ANC headphones sitting right here to compare with the PX. The PX were designed to sound their best with the ANC off. I have to say they sound wonderful with ANC off. They are possibly the BEST sounding wireless headphones on the market. They also have very strong isolation, naturally with their closed-back design and tightly sealing leather ear cups. If your priority is music sound quality in wireless headphones for home, office, library, while also occasionally needing ANC, BUY THESE." —Jeff

Get it from Amazon for $392.73+ (available in space gray and gold).

And check out our picks for the best over-ear bluetooth headphones on BuzzFeed Reviews.

11. A satirical T-shirt that pays homage to the short-lived (for civilians; long-lived for them, as an early adopter, of course) movie subscription service.

Get it from Redbubble for $19.90 (available in sizes S-3XL).
redbubble.com

Get it from Redbubble for $19.90 (available in sizes S-3XL).

12. A travel-sized Old Fashioned cocktail kit because who needs first class when they can revel in the exquisite synergy of their bitters from the economy section? (Highly overrated!!)

Each kit comes with a bottle of aromatic bitters, orange bitters, grapefruit bitters, six cubes of raw cane sugar, three stainless steel cocktail picks, one muddler spoon, and a "rustic linen" cocktail napkin.Get it from Amazon for $23.99.
amazon.com

Each kit comes with a bottle of aromatic bitters, orange bitters, grapefruit bitters, six cubes of raw cane sugar, three stainless steel cocktail picks, one muddler spoon, and a "rustic linen" cocktail napkin.

Get it from Amazon for $23.99.

13. A monthly cigar subscription box so the next time you see them they can talk your ear off about the importance of seeking out smokes outside of the US.

Promising review: "They always have a nice variety that are both new to the market and great tasting. Their customer service is quick and very personal. Can only give five stars but would give 10 if I could. Whether you are an avid aficionado or a first-time cigar smoker, let these guys help you fall in love with a good smoke." —Samuel Each box includes four cigars and an informational card (plus, they'll receive a cigar torch lighter and a cutter with signup).Get it from Cratejoy for $39.95/month (with free shipping).
cratejoy.com

Promising review: "They always have a nice variety that are both new to the market and great tasting. Their customer service is quick and very personal. Can only give five stars but would give 10 if I could. Whether you are an avid aficionado or a first-time cigar smoker, let these guys help you fall in love with a good smoke." —Samuel

Each box includes four cigars and an informational card (plus, they'll receive a cigar torch lighter and a cutter with signup).

Get it from Cratejoy for $39.95/month (with free shipping).

14. An art deco alarm clock, because nothing says "I have levels" quite like owning a bedside analog when you have a perfectly sufficient one built into your iPhone.

Promising review: "Such a cool little retro clock! I would replace most everything in my home with Crosley antique replicas, so I hope they continue to make these reproductions of classic retro deigns. Of course, after my husband saw mine he had to have one for his desk at work. I matched it with a small retro table fan and a mid-century metal deco reading lamp on my bedside table to make a film-noir tableau. The light-up display is bright in a cool blue color, which I can actually see in the dark of night, instead of the green digital display I'm so tired of. I really like that it is battery-powered, as it is one less cord contributing to the tangle of cords at every outlet, and it can be moved closer at night, so that is a big plus." —Brigid BGet it from Amazon for $19.99.
amazon.com

Promising review: "Such a cool little retro clock! I would replace most everything in my home with Crosley antique replicas, so I hope they continue to make these reproductions of classic retro deigns. Of course, after my husband saw mine he had to have one for his desk at work. I matched it with a small retro table fan and a mid-century metal deco reading lamp on my bedside table to make a film-noir tableau. The light-up display is bright in a cool blue color, which I can actually see in the dark of night, instead of the green digital display I'm so tired of. I really like that it is battery-powered, as it is one less cord contributing to the tangle of cords at every outlet, and it can be moved closer at night, so that is a big plus." —Brigid B

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

15. A French press coffee maker for the person who would never be caught dead with a K-cup in their hand.

Promising review: "This French press works perfectly for me. I'm a coffee snob and just can't drink the coffee provided at work. I use my press at work, and I'm toying with the idea of buying another to use at home. Coffee made in the press is so delicious." —LN8182Get it from Amazon for $16.98 (available in black and red).
amazon.com

Promising review: "This French press works perfectly for me. I'm a coffee snob and just can't drink the coffee provided at work. I use my press at work, and I'm toying with the idea of buying another to use at home. Coffee made in the press is so delicious." —LN8182

Get it from Amazon for $16.98 (available in black and red).

16. A status-y hand soap they can show off on their bathroom counter. "Yeah, the Hinoki scent is inspired by the Buddhist temples of Mount Koya in Japan."

Promising review: "This hand soap has a refreshing and unusual woody scent that no other company can match. It is not drying, but rather soothes skin. I use it sparingly as a little goes a long way. Good for cuts and scrapes in addition to hand wash." —Kek2103Get it from Nordstrom for $22.
shop.nordstrom.com

Promising review: "This hand soap has a refreshing and unusual woody scent that no other company can match. It is not drying, but rather soothes skin. I use it sparingly as a little goes a long way. Good for cuts and scrapes in addition to hand wash." —Kek2103

Get it from Nordstrom for $22.

17. A big literary flex of a poster that lets everyone know that, at one point in time, they read 1,079 pages of DFW.

Get it from Libricons on Etsy for $35.16.
etsy.com

Get it from Libricons on Etsy for $35.16.

18. A travelers notebook they can jot down all of their very cultured observations and poetry down in, just like in that one film that got nominated for a Palme d'Or a few years ago.

amazon.com

Promising review: "This awesome journal has brought a lot of joy recently. I've struggled with journaling in the past. However, this one eases the pressure because you can replace any of the inserts. Also you can add more. I added Post-It Notes to mine. You can swap any of them out with different ones. There is a calendar option, bullet note option, you can add a folder for storage. I even saw one that has pages you can easily tear out. Enjoy the fun. It's really helping me stay focused as an entrepreneur. I've got my section for my thoughts, a section for business ideas and things I need. And a section for artwork in my spare time. I'm a grown-ass man and I'm enjoying the hell out of this thing." —Jesse Locke

Get it from Amazon for $21.95 (available in three colors).

19. And a 20-sided die covered with "founder" jargon. (You could call it a true "disruption of the model.")

What's more pretentious than a product that's not even available to the public? Sign up on Poketo to be notified when it's back in stock.
poketo.com

What's more pretentious than a product that's not even available to the public? Sign up on Poketo to be notified when it's back in stock.

Some reviews in this post have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

Allison Krausman / Via BuzzFeed