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1. A pair of socks to make it clear that, NO, MOM, they can't "hit the pause button right now."
2. Beats Solo3s for the teen who's looking to move away from wired listening.
3. F in Exams: Complete Failure Edition, which contains all the cringiest and funniest exam answers featured in the four-part series — sure to make any teen who just bombed their exam feel a little bit better about themselves.
4. A Bluetooth Wonderboom speaker that'll make get-togethers with friends — especially those in their parents' homes — livelier.
5. A literary insults chart for the bookish student who lives for a brutal Dickens own.
6. A small Death Star planter you don't have to go to a galaxy far, far away to snatch — just the world wide web, turns out.
7. A pair of Apple AirPods they'll probably protect with their dear life.
8. A Playstation icons light for the nostalgic-for-a-time-they-never-lived through teen.
9. A pair of memory-foam house slippers to lounge around in.
10. A GoPro HERO5 Session that'll send them along the path to becoming YouTube famous (or just very injured while pulling a dumb stunt).
11. A classy brass keyring for the teen who is always losing their keys.
12. A "scary peeper" tapping toy any prankster teen will get tons of mileage out of.
13. A Nintendo Switch for the teen gamer who's always on the go.
14. A dancing wind sock to accompany them during long study sessions.
15. A pair of Rick and Morty socks for the young-Adult Swimmer.
16. A smiley-face basketball that'll pair well with their game face on the court.
17. A pack of magnetic putty for the scientific-minded teen who likes to keep his hands busy.
18. A "Pooping Pooches" 2019 calendar, one gift they definitely won't shit on!
19. An arcade-style basketball game that'll make any teen boy the talk of the cul-de-sac.
20. A Supreme sticker for any supremely Cool Teen's stocking.
21. Attachable "bike balls" that'll win over even the crotchety-est teen.
22. A pair of Old Skool Vans that they won't outgrow.
23. A comfy Champion beanie for the cold weather ahead.
24. A set of Game of Thrones table runners, because winter is coming and so is Mom's home-made apple pie (thanks Mom!!!!!).
25. A Dollar Shave Starter Kit that'll shave hours off your search for the perfect gift.
26. The recently released Kindle Paperwhite for the well-read teen who is also accident prone.
27. A Fila sling bag so they can sling some brand loyalty.
28. A Nirvana patch that smells like teen spirit. Also probably adhesive material!
29. And just a good ol' Amazon gift card for the very hard-to-please teen that knows his taste better than anyone else.
They're not gonna know what hit em.
The reviews used in this post have been edited for length and clarity.