Posted on Mar 4, 2019

27 Absurd Things For The Shrek Obsessed

I thought love was only true in fairy tales. Then I saw these products.

Colin Gorenstein

by Colin Gorenstein

BuzzFeed Staff

We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

1. A personalized cake topper if you've fallen accidentally in love and now have a wedding to plan.

2. A Gingerbread Man pipe that'll take you to Funkytown.

3. Some Supreme-style merch to rep your streetwear icon.

4. A set of three sheet masks that you'll be a believer of when you see your face.

5. A hooded towel to help you dry off after a dip in the swamp.

6. A cock sock (or toy cozy) that'll make you ogregasm just looking at it.

7. A dreamcatcher to hang on your bed after you stay up late swappin' manly stories.

8. A pin that'll pair perfectly with your finger and your thumb in the shape of an "L" on your forehead.

9. A 3-D printed Shrek logo for a demonstration of your brand loyalty.

10. A Nic Cage pillow to remind us of what we almost had before Cage turned down the titular role.

11. A bust, because people with ancient Greek trinkets in their homes have layers — and you know who else has layers? Shrek. Shrek has layers.

12. A silicone dildo for you to start coming and don't stop coming.

13. A wooden bookmark to mark your spot as you read William Steig's 1990 masterpiece Shrek! for the 105th time.

14. A vinyl bumper sticker that'll tell everyone to move ogre, bitch!

15. A bath bomb, if you really couldn't care less about the gumdrop buttons.

16. Some custom cookies because these are the best years of your life — for your metabolism, at least.

17. A mug that features the entire (Academy Award–nominated!) adapted screenplay (which lost to A Beautiful Mind for some dumb reason?).

18. The perfect pair of socks if you were holding out for a hero (by the name of Shrek) to cover your ankles.

19. A tee that prominently features your favorite doc for getting shrek-ups.

20. A pickle-scented bubble bar that'll have you falling in love. (Ever fallen in love?)

21. An ogre-ed beanie that won't get clogged with ear wax.

22. A pair of slippers for when you're on your wa-aaay (yeah) to take the trash out and don't want to change into real clothes.

23. A piece of beautiful canvas art to change your mind every time you start thinking people just ain't no good.

24. A clock made out of a vinyl record — but you don't really care for music, do you? (Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah, hallelujah.)

25. A stunning tee to throw on in the morning after you extremely wooden Duloc Doll voice shine your shoes and wipe your...face!

26. A collection of lollipops if you've saved room after your morning waffles.

27. And a dad hat that pays tribute to the prince who forgot to slay the dragon but slayed your heart instead.

Looking for more niche identity posts? From pickle fans to Harry Potter heads to the lazy people who also like to be fancy, we’ve got you covered.

Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

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