First of all, your friend equates going to the Apple store with going to Hogwarts. It's so unbelievably magical, he enters in a full-blown sprint.
On the outside, they're acting cool, keeping their tech-savvy persona in check.
On the inside, they're actually like:
You hesitate at the door, then proceed inside behind them. On the outside, you're polite about them wanting to make a "quick stop."
On the inside, you're like:
Your friend knows better, but every time they're tricked, trapped and coerced into buying something.
You don't even want to look around because you're too busy avoiding the employees who spout out dumb facts that every under-30-year-old already knows.
When your hyper-active friends force you there, they are like:
And it starts getting out of hand.
Don't even think about how many selfies your mom has accidentally taken on an Apple store device.
Even worse: YOUR DAD.
This trip is making you very cynical about the mall.
Then Karma comes along and decides she doesn't like your attitude and needs to teach you a lesson for the indecent way you've been talking about the Apple store. That's right: your computer is tragically broken.
And knowing what the next step is, you feel like this:
So you make your appointment and hop in your Delorean because the earliest appointment time available is at least 20 weeks in the future.
When you finally get to the future, you pray you'll get this guy and he'll fix the seemingly simple problem.
But, of course, making a reservation is fruitless. You still have to wait an hour, and you totally understand this lady because you feel like her in this moment.
But instead of screaming your head off, you collect yourself and act like this little angel.
The person waiting with you is getting all kinds of impatient which makes you a little bit happier inside knowing that you're not alone.
Approaching the one-hour mark, the "Apple Geniuses" start blurring together. Are you fainting or just driven to madness by the mobs of positive people perusing the store?
Seriously. Shit's gettin' trippy.
And when it's finally your turn, they automatically blame you for spilling spaghetti sauce on the keyboard and not drying it properly.
The "genius" changes his story in the end with some excuse that, basically, your Apple isn't as sophisticated as the money you spent on it would lead you to believe.
You're left completely defeated (and broke), so you go home and use your Voodoo app to stick it back to the corporation.
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