BuzzFeed has this big staff who thinks of all these stories that are somehow ALWAYS applicable to your life.
Anything they can do, you can do better. BRING IT.
You put on your thinking cap. But you can't even anticipate the myriad of emotions you're about to experience.
JEALOUSY. Don't lie. It doesn't feel good to see another Community Contributor make it to the Front Page when you don't.
DETERMINATION. You got this. You own this pole, err post.
FRUSTRATION. You have absolutely no idea where to start. Zilch.
EXCITEMENT. You finally are struck with a seemingly ingenius idea that is sure to garner a ton of views.
INSPIRATION. You're working so hard on this post because it's going to be Front Page worthy.
OBSESSION. You can't stop working on it. This post is literally about to take your soul.
DELIRIUM. You're up so late, determined to finish it that you realize the TV's still on and you guess you're watching Nick at Nite, but lack of sleep makes it look less like this:
And more like this:
ACCOMPLISHMENT. The late night pays off. You check the "Suggest for community feature," then the almighty "Publish Now."
PRIDE. You're super proud of it. Like REALLY proud.
MORE EXCITEMENT. You're just so freakin' excited.
EXPECTANCY. The next morning, you get an email from BuzzFeed... Your post was noticed by the staff and will be given an "extra boost around the site"!
COCKINESS. You're good. You're really good.
ANXIETY. Now you're waiting for that second email saying your post has made the Community Front Page...
THERE IT IS! THERE'S THE SECOND EMAIL.
RESTLESSNESS. Now what you've really been wanting all along is that third email, the one that says your post has been promoted to the front page... OF THE ENTIRE SITE.
IMPATIENCE. You wait...
Waiting turns you into Bellatrix.
SHOCK. It's been a full day. So now it's hit you. You've been limited to the Community page.
DENIAL and DISBELIEF.
Then you are fucking DEPRESSED.
Next is the SELF-LOATHING stuff.
Finally, you are PISSED OFF. All that time... For 300 views and 2 responses? I don't think so.
ACCUSATIONS. You're convinced BuzzFeed editors are the problem.
SPITE. Stress-eating keeps you from Failing every single post on the Front Page.
So you let yourself grieve, then you look at your post again.
And what you thought was GENIUS...
...was actually super BIZARRE...
...and worse, UGLY.
It was just a total non-existential FAIL.
And you feel DUMB.
You RETIRE from BuzzFeed. No more.
Until you are STRUCK WITH GENIUS (again)...
...and you realize you are too IMPORTANT to stop posting.
You're all NONCHALANT. Like, whatever. I'm just a Community Contributor.
Or should I say, MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR.
Editor's note: Did you know anyone can post on BuzzFeed as a Community Contributor? Learn more about the Community here!