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Blobfish: I Am Better Than You, Sloth!

Sloths have a really great reputation because stupid celebrities like Kristen "Veronica Mars" Bell have become very public about their adoration for the animal that SUPPOSEDLY moves really slowly and laboriously. However, few people know about the OG slow-moving creature, the sloth of the ocean: me, the Blobfish. Eat your heart out KBell.

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Wikipedia: "Its relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter THAT FLOATS IN FRONT OF IT."


I refuse to go out of my way to eat, because I have so many other important things on my list.

Baking scones are far too tedious and completely out of the question.

Us Blobfish don't have friends. We just occasionally bumps into creatures of the same species. Friendships are WAY too mundane and tedious.


It's like, who wants to do brunch? Mimosas, lounging and getting food brought to you?

Actually, I'd totally do brunch.

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