1. Lack of hustle is a punishable crime.
2. Exercise is key.
3. You can't always judge a kid by his weight.
4. There's a leader (aka "Godfather") in every pack.
5. The opposite sex is totally attainable.
6. The Boddy System.
7. Always be the best.
8. Skinny white people are too obsessed with 70s music.
9. Set goals for yourself.
10. Hide your candy wisely.
11. Some people are just naturally fucking crazy.
12. There's a (slight) difference between war and fat camp
13. Knowing a foreign language will come in handy one day.
14. The PerkiSystem can help turn you into a skinny weiner.
15. Two pounds doesn't sound like a lot, but apparently it is.
16. Family can be a bitch.
17. Don't mess with pissed off fat kids.
18. Punishment is a dish best served with honey.
19. There is no such thing as plane etiquette.
20. DON'T FALL FOR THE HERSHEY'S KISS.
21. "The Blob" is the coolest thing ever.
22. Twinkies don't go with everything...
23. Check in with yourself every once in a while. Just to be nice.
24. Being fat is embarrassing to your parents.
25. Liposuction is totally an option.
26. Excitement can turn to disappointment...
27. Never forget to stretch before you exercise.
28. Serenity (ommmm) is the Tony Perkins way of life.
29. Negativity can contaminate wells...
30. Peeing in and drinking water simultaneously is a no-no.
31. This is how the cool skinny people dance.
32. Technology is finicky.
33. Custodial services: someone's gotta do it.
34. Be grateful.
35. You'll leave camp fat anyways. You may as well make friends.
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