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What Kind Of Onion Are You?

Answer these deeply personal and disturbing questions to find out what kind of onion you've been all along

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  1. What kind of dog is least horrific?

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    This pathetic piece of dog
    Via pixabay.com
    This pathetic piece of dog
    Correct
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    This real damn dog
    This real damn dog
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This drunk damn mutt
    This drunk damn mutt
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This cheezy-faced pooch who doesn't know a damn thing
    This cheezy-faced pooch who doesn't know a damn thing
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This mop user
    This mop user
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This creature
    This creature
  2. What is the worst thing you've ever done?

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    Thrown a horse into the sun
    Correct
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    Asked Jesus for a smoke
    Correct
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    Described open-heart surgery to an infant owl
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    Thrown spare change at the dishwasher in vain
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    Stolen Mick Jagger's arthritis medication
    Correct
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    Poured scalding water down the face of a clock
    Correct
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    Demanded a ransom after kidnapping Zeus and licking his thunderbolts
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Lit a barn on fire just to listen to the the hay bails scream
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    Built a fortress out of broken glass and used eye syringes
    Correct
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    Devoured an entire thanksgiving dinner while spitroasting yourself under the family elm tree
  3. PICK A BEET AND PICK IT NOW

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    Correct
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  4. Which @ClarenceFlam Tweet about onions speaks to you the LOUDEST

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    "#LittleKnownCandidateFacts trump is just a boiled onion whose favourite sock was ripped apart mercilessly by the dryer"
    Correct
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    "To my future children, : Nzb'th 1 and : Nzb'th 2, I bequeath my solid gold onion and my invisible staircase. #AMothersLove"
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    "SOMEBODY USED MY FRIEND ONION FOR COOKING AND BURNT HIS WHOLE FACE OFF AND I'M ABOUT READY TO RAAAAAAGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE."
    Correct
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    "#IamNotJust a moose longing for a BLAST of blended horse hair, I am a moose looking for an onion to chew on."
    Correct
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    "#RejectedSandwichNames THE ONION CRATER SUCKING IN ALL OF EARTH'S MEAT JUICE"
    Correct
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    "#hurricanepatricia Hurricane #ProTip boil as many goddamn onion as you can, and keep them on your feet. ONions are wind-resistant. #Fact"
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    "#BetterHalftimeActsThanColdplay AN ONION LOOKING AT ANOTHER ONION LIKE THAT ONION'S A BITCH AND THE FIRST ONION KNOWS BETTER"
    Correct
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    "#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly 40 onions decide to go rogue. The elderlyest onion stabs a watermelon in the face, while the thin green onion cries."
    Correct
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    "hellls yeah just let me digest this glut of onion rings stuck in my tract and I'll toast with bubbles"
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    "THROW ME IN AN ONION STORM AND CALL ME CHIVE, Boris Johnson is king of the Midlands! #Trump2016 #Britain #BorisisBack #Brexit #Cameron"
  5. DESCRIBE THE MOST DANGEROUS INTERSECTION IN UR OPINION

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    PACK OF HORSES, one single broken baby's bottle, and a drunk child
    Correct
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    no stop sign, youths on skateboards, and a wild boar running loose
    Correct
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    rabid ferrets raining from the sky, dark clouds of acid rain, a wind turbine creaking over onto your car
    Correct
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    a friendly dog wearing roller skates, a McDonalds drive-thru on every corner, and a soft breeze blowing gently at your ear hairs
    Correct
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    a swinging pendulum of death, fire licking at your face, screams from the underworld, and a rain of locusts
  6. WHICH HAND WOULD YOU LIKE TO FEED YOU FRUIT

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    Correct
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    Correct
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  7. What politics are u bud

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    Communist
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Anarchosyndicalist Ecocapitalist
    Correct
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    Hands off my damn guns
    Correct
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    all hail king of the puss, Senor Octo
    Correct
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    GIMMIE LAND AND GIMMIE NO TAXES I DONT WANNA PAY I NEED a damn job
  8. Pick a meat that you wanna cram in your face hole later

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    This thing. Raw.
    This thing. Raw.
    Correct
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    This creature.
    This creature.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This burnt up item.
    This burnt up item.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Meat cake.
    Meat cake.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Fish like item
    Fish like item
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This very very safe meat like item
    This very very safe meat like item
  9. What's the worst category of people?

    Correct
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    Lesbians named Nancy
    Correct
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    Heterosexuals who like owls
    Correct
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    Men who breathe oxygen
    Correct
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    People who lick the faces of clocks
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    Elderly male-read trumpeters
  10. LASTLY, PLEASE SELECT THE MOST APPEALING IMAGE TO YOUR OCULAR SENSES AND PICK IT QUICK

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    Correct
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