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    29 Mar 2020

    17 Things That Netball Players Just Won't Understand — This One's For The Umpires

    *Me, twirling around in my umpire dress.* Why, yes — I am the official.

    1. When you were umpiring, your hip always had to be perpendicular to the court!

    Apple Music

    This was drilled into me when I was in training to get my "C" Badge.

    2. Which resulted in some weird, side-step/crab-like run up and down the sidelines.

    Working Title Films

    Back straight, shoulders back, knees slightly bent — am I an umpire or a ballerina?

    3. When you first started umpiring, you were emotionally scarred by some parents on the sidelines.

    Nickelodeon

    Honestly the netball Dads were the worst. I had to wear a bib that said "trainee umpire" on it to remind parents not to yell at me.

    4. But you pushed through it, because you can't let the haters win.

    Big Machine

    Threatening to call off the game to subdue angry parents was the ultimate power move and I should have not have been given that ability when I was 12.

    5. When you blew your whistle and instead of a loud, shrill burst coming out, there was just...no sound.

    Fuzzy Door Productions

    Sometimes the little ball got stuck and it was just you, your voice and 14 girls not paying attention to you.

    6. When you had to pretend to be ~profesh,~ even though those Saturday mornings umpiring netters was fresh AF.

    NBC

    At least those little guys could run around! You had to stand there and look like you're in charge.

    7. When you got to State Age and saw that "umpiring dresses" were now a thing.

    Cartoon Network

    The ladies who whore them were ultimate goals.

    8. When you couldn't get a dress for yourself, so you told everyone that it didn't matter.

    Gold Circle Films

    Netball NSW said it wasn't a part of the uniform, meaning if you wanted to actually pursue umpiring, you wouldn't be allowed to wear the dress anyway.

    9. When you said, "Stuff it," bought one anyway and walked around next year's State Age like you were that bitch.

    CBS

    Guys, I wasn't joking when I said that umpiring dresses were a THING!

    10. When you forgot to switch your wristband and had to guess whose centre pass it was.

    20th Century Fox

    Or, you tried to signal your other umpire and they had no idea either.

    11. When girls tried to hide their super long nails by leaning back their fingers.

    STARZ

    Woe to the woman who once told me, "I just got my acrylics done, I can't cut them." THEN WHY ARE YOU PLAYING NETBALL RN, LIZ???

    12. When you told people to take out their earrings and they responded with something along the lines of, "but they're taped!"

    CBS

    Hi, yes, sorry — just take out your jewellery so your earring back doesn't stab you in the neck. Thanks, bye.

    13. When you rocked up to umpire a social game and realised that you were umpiring a mixed team, who are only there to "have fun".

    FOX

    There is nothing nice about being screamed at by a 6 foot tall man, just because no one on the team decided to explain the rules first.

    14. When you realised that you were letting your bias affect the game... just a tiny bit.

    Netflix

    I played defence for so long that I always end up blaming the GA for the circle contacts — but I have the scars to prove it.

    15. When getting the compliment, "You should go for your B-badge," was the highest point of honour you could imagine.

    NBC

    Me, bowing down to the judge: I am not worthy....

    16. When you had a little rant session with your other umpire about the teams during half-time.

    Hulu

    As soon as the buzzer went off, "Oh, that GD's looking a little rough, hey".

    17. And finally, not knowing who knocked the ball out, so just going with your gut to decide who gets the throw in.

    CBC

    I mean, there's a 50/50 chance you'll get it right.