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    Updated on 1 Nov 2019. Posted on 29 Oct 2019

    All Service Staff Have 100% Wanted To Say These 15 Things To Their Drunk Tables

    Everyone just wants to get through a beautiful, sunny, drinking-day as easily as possible.

    With the hot weather well on its way, the season of the boozy sesh is slowly dawning upon us.

    But from someone who spent years waiting on tables during these seshes — I've got to say, it's not all fun and games.

    Nickelodeon

    Clicking at your waiter, for example, is a huge no-no.

    To make sure everyone has a good time — including your waiter — here's a "what not to do" list that I recommend following.

    1. When a host tells you there's a wait for a table, don't exclaim loudly, "What? A wait?? For a table????? That's ridiculous!"

    Fox

    Mate, it's a busy weekend and the entire city has had the exact same idea. And you know what? They actually made a booking, so the tables are for them.

    2. When your waiter first comes over and asks, "How are you today?", don't respond with, "We just sat down — we'll need a minute."

    Paramount Pictures

    This question gives the waiter a chance to start a conversation. That way they can tell you about delays with food, run-outs and also lets them get some drinks started for you. If you answer the question, the service is going to go a lot smoother.

    3. When drinks are taking a while to get to your table, don't scoff and say, "How long does it take to pull a beer?"

    Fox

    Remember how you had to wait for that table? Yeah, it's busy. That's why your bespoke cocktails haven't arrived in five minutes. Even if you only ordered a beer, the waiter has to wait for the whole docket to be ready before sending out the drink. Sorry, love.

    4. When you bring your kids to a sesh, don't expect the waiter to babysit them.

    Pixar/ Walt Disney

    Seriously, waiters have a huge, rotating list in their heads of what they have to do next. Tripping over your child that is running around while you're having a drink is not on the list. Besides, if they get hurt, you're not going to be happy either.

    5. When it's your birthday, don't start demanding freebies.

    NBC

    When the waiter knows it's your birthday, chances are you'll get something nice. But if you waltz in, already plastered, asking for a bottle of champers for free, no one is going to be impressed.

    6. When your bartender tells you to have a glass of water, don't say "But WHY? I'm SOOOO sober!"

    STARZ

    It's standard to offer water to people that have had a bit too much to drink. The bartender just wants you to slow down a little, so that you and your entire group can continue to enjoy themselves without anyone getting hurt.

    7. When you're having a great time telling your friends about your once-in-a-lifetime story, be aware of where you're standing.

    Cartoon Network

    One wrong move of your flailing arm and you're going to send a waiter to the floor with a shower of glass falling down around them. Chances are you'll also spill the beer you just paid for.

    8. When your food and drink arrive, don't all stare at the waiter blankly, — or worse, keep talking to each other.

    CBC

    There's nothing worse than carrying a heavy tray of drinks, or having three burning hot plates stacked on your arm, only for everyone to ignore you when you yell, "Okay, chicken parmigiana?!"

    9. When there's been a mistake with your order, don't be overly dramatic.

    Netflix

    Tell the waiter something is wrong and they'll do their best to get the right order out to you pronto! Screaming at the top your lungs because your waiter forgot your side of aioli is never a good look.

    10. When a waiter drops something, don't all jump up excitedly and yell, "Taxi!"

    The WB

    It's already embarrassing to drop a stack of plates in a crowded restaurant. Calling your waiter out on it just makes it worse and 100% makes them think that you're being a dickhead.

    11. When you've got a cute waiter or bartender — don't try and hit on them.

    NBC

    Chances are the person you've madly fallen in love with after your 8th drink, is only halfway through an exhausting shift. And remember, just because they're being nice to you (it's their job!), it doesn't mean that they want your number.

    12. When the bill comes to your table of 10+ people, please don't try and pay separately.

    STARZ

    You've had a great time, you've had some drinks, you're definitely all walking home — what makes you think that splitting the bill is going to be that simple? It's not. Davo over there is going to forget about two of the VBs he ordered and Mike hasn't done maths since he left high school. Plan ahead, draw out cash and pool it for the bill.

    13. And when the bill DOES come, don't complain and act shocked at the total.

    Fox

    You're not going to get a discount just because you don't like the final number. The prices have been on the menu the entire time and I'm sorry, but they add up at the end.

    14. When the place starts to close down, don't ask for another round — even if you promise that you'll be done in five minutes.

    STARZ

    Organising a round for your table is going to take those five minutes until the bar is closed and honestly, you're not in any state to finish it. Plus, you haven't paid your bill, your waiter is finishing a 12 hour shift and EVERYONE ELSE wants to go home!

    15. And finally, above everything else, just be a nice person.

    NBC

    Waiters are people too and they would much rather be where you are, enjoying themselves, then waiting on you. Essentially, if you cut them some slack and understand that they're busy, your boozy sesh is going to end with everyone happy.

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