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A BUNCH OF THOUGHTS ABOUT MASTERCHEFAU EP1

In episode 1 balls are cracked and fingers are placed in pies. It was a wild start to season 196. (this is more words than any uni essay I have written so get ready)

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* Narration - Sin. I wonder what the narrator looks like??

* “The most extraordinary season ever” - Masterchef every season.

* Yes Im keen for Heston.

* They go to Japan yass.

* Fk I just had dinner but I'm getting so hungry just from the introduction

* It’s filmed in Melbourne ew #sydney for life. #jks Melbourne is ok i guess

* Overly dramatic shots showcasing the kitchen for the contestants to cook in. Tomato's never looked so intimidating.

* Yes clapping for the judges.

* OH MY GOD MATT’S FACE!!! (I would be more shook but I have seen pics of him on fb)

* Gary’s tie looks like Adriano Zumbo threw up on it when channel ten didn't re-new his contract.

* George looks classy as always - best dressed in my opinion.

* Matt’s still rocking the cravats - Now that would be the most extraordinary season - we see what Matt’s neck looks like (I think it would be terrifying honestly).

* No limits as to how many aprons (basically saying if you don’t get one of these you're really shit - go try out for My Kitchen Rules).

* Dramatic shots of crowd.

* “You have to have balance you have to have steel” - George I am going to get this tattooed on my face.

* Shots of happy people clapping - bitch none of you have gotten in yet.

* Is it just me or is the waiting room less dingy than last year?

* Second chances are a thing.

* Michelle is 19 and a first year uni student? What a show off.

* Yeah like Michelle has been randomly selected to go first.

* Omg she is the golden ball gal from the ads!.

* “The golden ball just came into my mind. I don’t know where the idea came from.” (I tried to put in a gif of Jim from the Office as golden face and this point doesn't work if you can't see that lol)

NBC/UNIVERSAL

* What the heck, Michelle is tempering chocolate without a thermometer??? That’s ridiculous, I hope the judges roast her for that in the future.

* Lol Pia has already cut her finger - fashionably sporting one of those classic blue bandaids. No wait she literally has 2 bandaids. Get it together Pia. Make your 82 year old mum proud.

* Pia is acting like no one has ever put a family recipe on Google and Masterchef is the only way she can show people her mums cooking.

* The golden ball looks fly af - Michelle knows what she is doing.

* Michelle uses the blood of past eliminated Masterchef contestants to dress her dessert.

* Michelle is literally walking so slow - pick up the pace.

* “Did you make that? Are you sure?” - George you wouldn’t say that if she was a man.

* “Studying is alright” - Hmm speaking as a uni student my self is only ok tbh.

* The smash is not that satisfying - the music gets overly intense and loud.

* All the judges make uncomfortable faces eating the dish.

* “I just want to check if you're actually human, if you're actually real.” - George. You wouldn’t say that if she was white George.

* Wow #shook Michelle made it in, didn’t expect this at all, there was literally nothing special or impressive about it and it definitely wasn’t in the ad’s that have played for months leading up to the show.

* “Maybe we should re-think some of the challenges we have planned” - Like you had anything todo with planning challenges Gary you #liar.

* Pia reckons her gnocchi represents her whole family - ok calm down - don’t reduce your whole family to potato dumplings

* The older the judges get the more it looks like they’re getting meals on wheels delivered to them

* Matt says gnocchi wrong #embarrassing.

* Pia knows when its right with the feel of her hands. TMI Pia.

* #Shook the gnocchi is good???? I can’t believe that Pia and her mum haven’t been making a shit dish their whole life.

* Pia is never taking her apron off. Tbh that’s kinda gross Pia.

* Uncomfortable roasting of Matt getting sauce on his cravat. Like this doesn’t happen every episode.

* White gal is inspired by her travels to China but complains about it being spicy #embarassing. #still makes it in

* I was going to say Pinita does not look good for 37 #Spoiler she is 57 - Get ready for more Pinita she's in. (Also don’t think that’s her name)

* Chubby Asian kid gets in with jokes.

* George has a uncomfortable handshake with a man with a pony tail - Man buns are out pony tails are in.

* Netta has sung with “A lot of successful names from the states” - Names and pics or it didn’t happen Netta.

* “I will not let you guys down” - Tbh Netta im sorry but you already have.

* It’s a no from Gary and we all know he wears the pants in the judges group so I don’t think Netta’s going to make it #called it #not this year Netta

* Cut to sad audience members - Some are confused/blind and still clap for her despite not having an apron.

* Speed round of people not getting in #devo for them.

* Pete from Perth - What more can I say.

* They have shots of him operating a crane so he clearly gets in. Keeps making jokes relating to his girlfriend.

* #YES the foam gun has come out to play.

* Pete has stolen some syringes from N2 to pump out “chicken goodness”.

* “did you get all the bones babe?” - Foreshadowing the fact the judges will find a bone, calling it now, #I was wrong #there were no bones.

* Eloise’s tactic is to get the judges drunk #it worked.

* “It’s been a year since the accident” - Wtf - Omg this guys story is so intense. He is going to get in on pity for sure. He has also had an accident today shown by his hot blue bandaid. Josh is in.

* Emily fkn loves lychees.

* “finger in the pie” - Emily’s grandmother is great.

* #set fire to paper lol #classic.

* Emily gets another chance to get her fingers stuck into the pie.

* So do a bunch of people who don’t get backstories.

* They have cut to jess like 100 times already #shewillwin #calling it now.

* I h8 beetroot.

* Jess looks like she has already won Masterchef and had her edgy transformative makeover.

* Masterchef should just be called white people cook asian food.

* Jess has brought a book of recipes and art to help trick the judges into giving her an apron.

* Matt’s face while George is describing Jess’s dish lol.

* Gary finishes his car analogy - clearly an effort to appeal the show to the traditional Aussie bloke - like anyone is going to listen to a guy with a pink tie.

* “That there, (the food) is what this competition is all about” - Fresh original words that have never been spoken or written.

* The crying has begun.

* Matt comes out to get the adorable kid because people love adorable kids.

* SZECHWAN???

* “Ive done my time as a solicitor”?? This guy is like 20 something can he chill.

* Bearded man cries - George is unsympathetic af and waves the fork at him.

* “The pay is shocking” - I think this guy is just a shit lawyer.

* Callum, the guy who almost went first is going now - he is 18 but tbh could be 25 - I expect him to cry (nah he didn’t).

* Good crunch on Callum’s dish.

* Callum Smith is like a 6/10 name tbh - I would get a stage name, maybe like Cal Smi or something.

* “At 18 years old I was learning how to peel an onion” - Vibes George, vibes.

Final thoughts

* I enjoyed the episode - excited for them to get into the real kitchen.

* I think they should just get rid of everyone who has a second chance.

* None of the judges have seemed to gain an obscene amount of weight over the break so that’s good. #proudofthem

Tweets I liked

Seriously when I was 19 I thought adding extra chilli flakes to my mi goreng was the pinnacle of sophistication #masterchefau

Cmon show us some losers #MasterChefAU

Everyone is walking in so slow, I wanna see someone run in riding on the trolley #MasterChefAU

If you're 19 or a tradie and you can cook, you have a 100% chance of blowing George's mind #MasterchefAU

Only 50 mins in and the cooking is already a lot higher than #MKR lol #MasterchefAU

This 19 year old girl taught herself the techniques for the golden ball... Meanwhile, at 35 I've barely mastered potatoes. #MasterChefAU

#MasterChefau keeping bandaids in business this episode

You had your finger where!!?? #MasterChefAU

Lychees on the floor & burning pirate ships. This season is fucking wild #MasterChefAU

Why does everyone run out of the tasting room, even when they're​ 3 No's? Do the judges chase them?#MasterChefAU

No risotto yet..... COWARDS!!!! #deathdish #MasterChefAU

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