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Which Tower Staffer Are You?

cross your fingers you don't get jack holme...

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  1. Dream vacation?

    Cabo
    The depths of Hell
    Flint, MI
    North Korea
    Louisiana
    San Francisco
    Denver
    Grosse Pointe
    Paris, France
  2. Last meal?

    Skyline Dip spiked with Jim Beam
    Magic brownies
    Fried chicken
    Human flesh
    Protein shake
    Vegan kale chips
  3. Favorite store?

    The dispo
    Devonshire
    Vineyard Vines
    Patagonia
    Forever 21
    Ann Taylor LOFT
  4. It's a Saturday night....what're you doing?

    Blacked out on a stranger's couch
    Sailing
    Canvassing for Hillary Clinton
    Writing slam poetry and smoking squares
    Playing beer pong and watching NFL redzone with the boys
    Counting my money
  5. You get arrested. Why?

    Forgot to pay the meter one too many times
    Protesting in DC
    Gunned someone down for saying that Drake wasn't the best rapper alive
    Drunk driving
    Homicide
    Prostitution
  6. Favorite hobby?

    Binge drinking
    Doing pinterest crafts
    Lax
    Attending Feminists United meetings
    Driving the 'stang
    Listening to music
  7. Favorite app?

    Instagram
    PornHub
    Pinterest
    Tumblr
    Spotify
    the weather app
  8. Who is your secret soulmate?

    Jack Holme
    Grace Reyes
    Katherine Bird
    Mia Turco
    Ray
    Anton
  9. Favorite movie?

    Monty Python
    Dark Knight Rises
    any rom-com
    Ferris Bueller's Day Off
    Some granola-y indie film
    Anything with Seth Rogen
  10. Favorite tv show?

    Blue Mountain State
    Saturday Night Live
    The League
    House of Cards
    Gossip Girl
    Jon and Kate plus 8

Which Tower Staffer Are You?

You got: Claire

Congratulations! You did it!! You are Claire Hubbell aka the greatest member of Tower. This means that everyone, not just other Tower staffers, worship at your feet. God bless.

Claire
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You got: Liz

Resident meth head. Nothing more, nothing less. You will probably never amount to anything, but since you're such a heavyweight you can shotgun a half gal of Purell so that's pretty cool, I guess.

Liz
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You got: Anton

Ah, Anton. You must be an Anton because you probably like using big words that no one knows the meaning of. We all know that if you ruled the world as a communist leader, you would force everyone to exclusively wear paisley. Even everyone on staff is lesser than you because none of us have worked at the prestigious Free Press, we still all aspire to be like you.

Anton
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You got: Chase

Looks like you're a real Chase. When you're not pregaming for routine daily activities or sports injuries, you're driving around aimlessly. What you lack in motivation to design your pages, you make up for with your taste in music, which evens out I guess.

Chase
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You got: Erykah

You are a true Erykah. You are the big hoss of the Tower. You probably can't clear the height minimum at Cedar Point, but you will probably be the first blasian president. You win some you lose some.

Erykah
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You got: Jack Holme

God dammit. Sorry to break it to you, but it looks like you're a Jack Holme. You get hype to moody Drake songs, which is confusing and you were voted "most likely to die first in the Hunger Games". Also, you're definitely the type of guy to get waaayyyy too into intramural sports in college....like in a weird way. Finally, if you mysteriously disappear in the lake while sailing the HolmeBrew....odds are no one will question it.

Jack Holme
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You got: Edge

The results are in -- you're definitely an Edge type of person. Despite your terrible taste in music (no one enjoys Celtic folk music. no one.) you still are an all around cool person.

Edge
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You got: JD

Looks like you're a 100% JD. Uncontested, you are the most unapologetically caucasian person on this staff. Your supremely subpar spelling skills often lead others to question whether or not you're illiterate. However, your lacrosse skills are what truly matter #wheels #sauce #booooost

JD
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You got: Liam

It seems that you identify closely with the infamous Liam Patrick Walsh III. No one knows what you love more: being a liberal or sophomore girls. I hate to break it to you, but everyone is counting down the days until you drive off to Harvard in the stang in fall 2018.

Liam
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You got: Cam

My calculations tell me that you're a total Cam. This means that you probably hate being on Tower, so I guess that's that.

Cam
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You got: Katherine Bird

You're definitely a Katherine Bird. Odds are you're doing this quiz while babysitting. Or maybe you're doing it in the waiting room at the doctor's. The only thing more fucked up than your ACL is Stephanie S's fake ass highlights.

Katherine Bird
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You got: Cassie

Congratulations, you got the ONE result worse than Jack Holme. I don't know how you did it, but chances are you're an absolute sociopath with a weak Insta ratio. You probably wear nappy ass Sketchers and are definitely the type of person to own a lot of Hot Topic chokers. Also, you probably can clear out an entire room with your awkward, perverted jokes.

Cassie
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You got: Jack John

According to the quiz, you are a total Jack John. Your favorite store is probably Moosejaw and chances are you often find yourself offering your unsolicited opinions on gun rights, immigration, racism, etc. You are for sure the type of guy to massage another dude's shoulders "no homo".

Jack John
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